Leading Lady

When I started tango one of the most frustrating things I experienced was the lack of people that asked me to dance. Because I'm curious I wanted to know how tangueros choose someone to dance with, however, when you ask them the question some are evasive and others can't put their feelings into words. I decided I wanted to see how it felt from the other side and I started leading.

After a few months of leading a lightbulb clicked and I started to understand. I also discovered that I unconsciously created criteria for selecting a person to dance with.

1. Friends First - I will ALWAYS (did I say always?) ALWAYS ask a friend to dance first over a stranger. With a friend I can be sure that mistakes can be laughed off and we can have fun together.

2. Practica Partner Priority - If I've led someone at a practica (or in a class) I will ask them to dance at a milonga. Mainly because I'm familiar with their dancing and how we connect.

3. Music - I don't jump up immediately and ask anyone to to dance. I have to hear the music to have a idea of how I'm going to dance to it. Once I hear the music it will further narrow down who I'm going to ask.

4. Availability - If someone looks like they are resting their feet, talking to their friends, on their way to the restroom, waiting in the lobby of the milonga, eating or drinking I won't ask them to dance. I try to read people's body language. If you aren't near the dance floor I'm going to assume that you are taking a break.

Things I avoid...
1. Back Leaders - If you want to lead, please do so. I have no problem giving you the reigns. But if you snatch the lead from me and start dragging me along I must pass. Not only is it not fun it hurts my shoulder to try to reign the follow back in.

2. Light feet (how do I explain this) - Some follows are so light (it has nothing to do with weight or mass but energy) I can't feel where they are while they are moving. It feels like they are going to float away. I like to dance with people who are grounded to the floor. It enables me to know where they are and it lets me feel like if I lead them to a step I won't knock them over.

3. Gum chewers, eye rollers & varying sorts of rudeness - when someone is snapping gum in my ear, rolling their eyes during the dance, waving to friends conducting telephone conversations on their bluetooth headset, checking their blackberry between songs I will cut a tanda short and avoid that person in the future. (Also this is why I tend to dance with friends first)

Learning how to lead enabled me not to take it so personally when I'm not asked to dance. Everyone has an 'ideal type' that they would like to dance with and sometimes I am "That Girl" and on evenings when I'm not I can still dance.

Ciao,

Pantina