Twists & Tango: A Beginner's Journey

Should I Stay? Should I Go?

2010-09-25T19:26:00.006-04:00

I've gotten to the point in my dancing where I am confident in my abilities. Don't get me wrong - - I know I still have a lot to learn, however, there are some things that I have beaten into my muscular memory and I can see that my dancing has improved.

All those hours of pivoting around a chair are starting to pay off.

With all that practice under my belt there are times that I still sit for hours at a milonga. I have boiled this down to the unidentifiable 'IT' Factor. When I am rolling in a strong wave of 'IT' I go into a milonga and dance all night long! As a cortina plays I am hit with multiple cabeccos, if I find myself sitting for any amount of time tangueros are walking over to me asking me to dance and even a walk to the restroom results in a dance invitation.

On nights like this I'm in my Tango Zone and I have 'IT' going on.....

Lately I've been experiencing the other type of night... Nights where my 'IT' has gone on an unscheduled holiday and I find myself sitting for hours. On nights like this I try to avoid the creepy tangueros that prey on uninformed beginners (and desperate tangueras). It's like a veil is pulled over me and I suddenly become invisible. Sitting and waiting for hours as my friends dance circles around the floor. Then I start to feel like the purse sitting, clock watching tanguera wishing that the evening would come to a swift close.

I wish I knew why some evenings I have 'IT' and other evenings I don't. On 'IT-Less' nights I start asking myself a series of questions:

1. How long am I willing to sit & wait?

When I begin to realize that I've been mistaken for furniture it's a tough call to know when to call it a night. If you wait around the crowd thins out but there's no guarantee that anyone will come over and ask you to dance (or return a well thrown cabecco).

2. How do I get my 'IT' factor back so I can get off the side lines and start dancing again?

Does it have to do with moon and star alignment? A life devoted to prayer and fasting? What is that unknown THING that draws tangueros to you? I don't want to hazard a guess of why they pick who they pick. All I know is that I could make a million dollars if I could invent a tanguera pheromone cologne that promised to draw tangueros to you.... "One whiff and all the best dancers in the room will run to your side and beg you for a dance." :

3. Why isn't anyone asking me to dance?

I go through a basic grooming check (clean, no body odor, breath check, hair groomed, makeup on, nails manicured, toes pedicured, proper footwear, good location on the side of the dance floor, excellent line of sight, pleasant expression on the face, fangs not showing (just joking - - I just got into True Blood so I'm a little distracted...::Go Team Eric::)

Tonight I should be getting ready to go to a milonga I'm typing up a blog post about why I've been sitting at milongas... I'm really dreading getting all fancied up to go out dancing to sit all night long.....

Should I stay? Or should I go???

Heaven only knows.... I'll report back later....

Decisions, decisions,

Pantina

Fallin'

2010-09-16T07:56:00.003-04:00

There's an Alicia Keys song called "Fallin'" that describes my relationship with one popular NYC milonga:

"I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you.

Sometimes I love you.

Sometimes you make me blue.

Sometimes I feel good.

Sometimes I feel used.

Loving you darling makes me so confused."

This milonga tortures me but I can't seem to break free from it. The music is great, the venue is beautiful, the floor is smooth, and the dancers are some of the best that the TRI-STATE (not just NYC) area have to offer.

The problem.... AAAaaaccckkk....

The dancers are EXCELLENT. Their tango vocabularies aren't limited to walk, cross, rock step, ocho cortado... Oh no, they will sacada you off of this plain of existence, they will over rotate you until your torso looks like something from the "Exorcist" movie, and they will leg wrap you to the point that you may need to propose marriage at the end of the tanda. Their axis is always self-supported and perfectly balanced. And to add insult to injury - - the tangueras have some of the fastest, prettiest feet ever. These women can embellish on an eighth count note and make it look beautiful.

Usually when I go to this milonga I BYOL (bring your own lead) otherwise I run the risk of sitting all night or (heaven help me) someone asking me to dance and being afraid that I will either fall or given the "thank you" of death in the middle of the tanda because my foot work is just so-so.

This milonga serves to keep me humble. If I ever think, "Wow, I'm getting really good." One spin around this dance floor shows me that, "Umm... You're better but you aren't ready for this." This milonga also gives my privates instructor and ENDLESS pool of material to pull from when I go to her and she asks, "What would you like to work on this week?"

After a visit to this milonga I usually say, "EVERYTHING!!!"

Ciao,

Pantina

The Blame Game

2010-09-12T13:14:00.004-04:00

Whenever I watch a political debate I usually find myself yelling at the television like a NBA finals game. Politicians love to play the 'blame game'. Each person blaming the other for the short comings in the economy, world peace, off shore drilling, etc. Their posturing to position themselves as the blameless savior while portraying their opponent as the devil incarnate drives my blood pressure to record highs.

In reality both parties have some truth and some fiction to their positions. If we spent more time working together instead of blaming one another perhaps we could experience authentic and lasting change.

The same can be said of tango.

There is a breed of tanguero that I like to call The Blamers. Every mistake and missed step is never the result of a poor lead it's ALWAYS the follower's fault. They can be identified by their 'sighs' of disgust when a step isn't executed properly, their eye rolling when a follower embellishes against their will, and arrogant condescending demeanor both on (and off) the floor.

Please understand I'm not saying every mistake made is the result of a poor lead. I've danced with professional instructors and managed to miss leads that were flawlessly executed. However, the difference is the attitude of the lead. When I screw up dancing with Mr. Smooth and I attempt to apologize at a milonga he says, "Please, don't worry about it." He's able to regroup, shift my weight and we're off to dancing again.

With 'The Blamer' every mistake is highlighted and they never, Never, NEVER offer to take responsibility. They just point their fingers and 'offer suggestions'.

Blamers take the fun out of tango. They make partnerships competitive (and even combative). Instead engaging in a 'conversation' with one another through the movement we have a type of presidential debate mud slinging campaign and in the end no one was made richer through the exchange. When I get angry at my partner and start thinking, "If I do a high boleo here I'm sure I can have plausiable deniability when I kick him in the _______." The dance is dead. The magic is gone. And I've become the blamer (It's HIS fault. He's blaming me for every mistake!)

whine. whine. whinnnnnnnnne.

I'd like to stick to the tango high road. Focus on connection, dance together, breathe together, listen to the music together. And as we continue to work together as a couple equally engaged in the dance the magic of tango happens. In those moments tandas last for hours, minds are blown, time stands still and you float all the way home.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - Class or No Class...

2010-09-12T12:47:00.003-04:00

Here are the results of last week's poll - - Which do you prefer - - Goin' Solo or Bringing a Partner (to a milonga)

Goin' Solo - 50%

Bringing a Partner 50%

Wow! An even split!! There are pros & cons to either situation.

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When I first starting going to milongas I loved going to the pre-milonga class. Since I was utterly obsessed with all things tango it was an excuse to have an extra lesson so I could learn new things. Initially the classes were challenging and I was able to meet new people. Sometimes I would dance with a lead in a class and once the class was over we would dance again at the milonga.

As I continued in tango I started to fade away from the pre-milonga classes. When I go out to dance I want to socialize and have fun. When I go to class I want to drill, learn, focus and concentrate. I don't like mixing an evening that's intended for fun with work.

So here's the poll of the week question - - Do you attend pre-milonga classes?

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - Goin' Solo or Bring a Partner

2010-09-05T09:27:00.003-04:00

Results from the last two polls...

What do you do to stay awake?

Coffee, Tea, Espresso, Mate, etc. 60%

Exercise 20%

Power Naps 50%

Eating Snacks 20%

No Doze 0%

Other 20%

What do you think about small talk during a tanda?

Talk to me! It's the polite thing to do. 47%

Don't Speak.. I just want to enjoy the dance. 41%

I don't have a preference. 11%

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The dance crew that I hang out with consists mostly of tangueras. So when we go to milongas we usually go as a pack of women. There is an advantage to this - - you aren't tied to exclusively dancing with partner that came with you. You're free to dance with anyone in the room at any time. The possibilities are endless! However, you also have the possibility that you could sit all night long or find yourself dancing with someone that you really don't enjoy.

On the flip side.... If you bring a partner to a milonga you know the person that you're going to dance with and you have the built in security of knowing that at any point in the evening you can dance with your date. The downside to this is that you may not be as free to dance with anyone in the room.

I've had both experiences - - going to a milonga without a partner and going to a milonga with a partner. Both situations have their pluses and minuses...

So here's the Poll of the Week question...

Which do you prefer - going to milongas without partners or bringing a partner with you?

Ciao,

Pantina

Leading Lady

2010-08-22T09:47:00.004-04:00

When I started tango one of the most frustrating things I experienced was the lack of people that asked me to dance. Because I'm curious I wanted to know how tangueros choose someone to dance with, however, when you ask them the question some are evasive and others can't put their feelings into words. I decided I wanted to see how it felt from the other side and I started leading.

After a few months of leading a lightbulb clicked and I started to understand. I also discovered that I unconsciously created criteria for selecting a person to dance with.

1. Friends First - I will ALWAYS (did I say always?) ALWAYS ask a friend to dance first over a stranger. With a friend I can be sure that mistakes can be laughed off and we can have fun together.

2. Practica Partner Priority - If I've led someone at a practica (or in a class) I will ask them to dance at a milonga. Mainly because I'm familiar with their dancing and how we connect.

3. Music - I don't jump up immediately and ask anyone to to dance. I have to hear the music to have a idea of how I'm going to dance to it. Once I hear the music it will further narrow down who I'm going to ask.

4. Availability - If someone looks like they are resting their feet, talking to their friends, on their way to the restroom, waiting in the lobby of the milonga, eating or drinking I won't ask them to dance. I try to read people's body language. If you aren't near the dance floor I'm going to assume that you are taking a break.

Things I avoid...
1. Back Leaders - If you want to lead, please do so. I have no problem giving you the reigns. But if you snatch the lead from me and start dragging me along I must pass. Not only is it not fun it hurts my shoulder to try to reign the follow back in.

2. Light feet (how do I explain this) - Some follows are so light (it has nothing to do with weight or mass but energy) I can't feel where they are while they are moving. It feels like they are going to float away. I like to dance with people who are grounded to the floor. It enables me to know where they are and it lets me feel like if I lead them to a step I won't knock them over.

3. Gum chewers, eye rollers & varying sorts of rudeness - when someone is snapping gum in my ear, rolling their eyes during the dance, waving to friends conducting telephone conversations on their bluetooth headset, checking their blackberry between songs I will cut a tanda short and avoid that person in the future. (Also this is why I tend to dance with friends first)

Learning how to lead enabled me not to take it so personally when I'm not asked to dance. Everyone has an 'ideal type' that they would like to dance with and sometimes I am "That Girl" and on evenings when I'm not I can still dance.

Ciao,

Pantina

Creepy Crawlies....

2010-08-19T21:54:00.002-04:00

I was at a milonga recently and I spotted a lead I wanted to dance with - - Mr. Man of Mystery. He was tall, had a nice walk, and his partners smiled during their tandas.

Since I don't ask men to dance (more on that topic later) and women were lining up to dance with him I knew it was going to be a challenge to catch his eye.

As the night went on I had an opportunity to catch up with friends and to dance with some amazing dancers but when the corintas played my eyes would shoot across the floor to the Man of Mystery. He was always busy when I was free and vice versa.

Then at one point he was finally free and I was available. Our eyes met and as I held my breath he walked over to me...

SUCCESS!!!!

YIPPEEE!!!!

Score one for the laser cabecco......

I held out my hand and he led me to the floor and we introduced ourselved. I told him, "I've wanted to dance with you for awhile." He replied, "Oh! I had no idea you should have asked.'

The dances were beautiful except I noticed at the end of each song he began to hold me tighter and tighter.

And longer and longer.....

hmmmmm............ maybe I was imagining it.... I've never been the girl to get caught in with the leads that molest their follows so I thought..."Pantina, stop it... It's just a different style."

At the end of our tanda I smiled and said, "That was wonderful! Thank you so much." He said, "No, thank you. I love your embrace."

I have to admit... In a way I was flattered because I've been working on my embrace. Trying to make it feel more like a welcoming hug instead of something mechanical and rigid.

Now here's where it gets creepy....

He held me close and hugged me and whispered in my ear, "I love holding you it's like holding my favorite pillow and dancing around the room.."

**squeeze squeeze**

ewwwww.............

Okay dude... let me go!

immediately....

Now I'm not flat chested but I'm not super gifted in the chest area.. . I wear a D cup and I realized that as he was squeezing me so tightly my breast were squished flat against him....

I'm sorry...

Did I fall asleep and wake up in the fifth grade?

Are you copping a feel on the dance floor....

AAAACCCKKKK!!!!

After an ackward period when I dropped my arms and did my best to wiggle away he asked me if I was going to be around later on in the evening I told him, "I might but I need to check my transit schedule"

Okay..... it was a great dance. But it didn't outweigh the creepy crawly sensation I got by being held a little too tight for a little too long....

Needless to say I ended the evening without indulging in another tanda from the Man of Mystery.

Ciao,

Pantina

Happy Anniversary!!

2010-08-19T21:44:00.004-04:00

Wow!!! It's been a long, long, LONG time......

sorry for the delay.

I've been dancing, working, practicing, spinning (a type of exercise), and living.... And I discovered that blogging in your head doesn't count. You need to write it down.

So here's to celebrating Year Two in Argentine tango!!!

I can't believe I've made it this long! Time sure does fly.

*********************

When I started dancing I thought if I made it to the two year mark that I would be SPECTACULAR. I mean one of those dancers that take your breath away when they take the floor. Now that I'm at the two year mark I realize that is not the case. I'm good. I'm surely better than where I began and I realize that I suck a whole lot less!!! ::smile::

And that's the ironic part. Most dancers at my level shake off any insistence of praise or compliments. We are quick to point out our flaws and completely disavow any complement anyone gives us. But now that I look at the video tape I realize I've grown. I'm not the superstar that I thought I would be but I'm no longer the baby tanguera I used to be.

I'm confident, grounded, and balanced. And I have to admit that it feels really good.

Here's to a new year in tango. Let the adventures begin!

Ciao,

Pantina

Tanguera 3.0

2010-05-30T12:51:00.003-04:00

As my 2 year anniversary in tango approaches I realize that my tango universe has changed a lot. Here's the progression so far.

Tanguera 1.0 - Infancy Stage

I was so excited about everything tango! The shoes, the people, the clothing, workshops, festivals, blogging, planning trips to BsAs, practicas, and milongas!! I was all tango all the time. I wanted to learn as much as possible, as fast as possible, so I can get as good as possible (terrible sentence structure I know but you get the point). I had a crew of dancers and we went ready to tackle the NYC dance scene - Miss Parisian, Miss Eyez, Miss Gold Star, Miss Stiletto, Miss Venus, Ms. Coco Caliente, Mr. H&IS, and Miss Network.

Downside: Lack of dance opportunities

I was so happy with tango but I rarely had an opportunity to dance with people consistently. I saw my friends improving and I felt like I was being left behind.

Tanguera 2.0 - Adolescence

In this stage I began to realize that when people don't dance with you or you get the 'thank you' too quickly you need to work on your technique. So I dove into taking privates, more group classes, drills, and exercises for strengthen my ankles & feet. I stopped trying to go to EVERY milonga and started selecting milongas that I really enjoyed. (Sad to admit that I still counted how many tandas I danced in an evening) I also increased my attendance at practicas. I really wanted to get as many bugs out of my dancing as possible. The payoff wasn't immediate (hence the lack of blogging) but gradually my dancing began to improve.

Downside: Money & Time. Pouring this much of myself into my passionate hobby took an incredible amount of time and money. I pushed myself physically to exhaustion from lack of sleep (working full-time and holding down a full-time tango addiction is draining) and my body and relationships paid the price for my neglect. My finances - - acckk!! My financial planner hid his surprise when we reviewed my spending with thinly veiled contempt....

Tanguera 3.0 - Young Adult

This is where I'm at now. I have a few favorite milongas that I enjoy. Not because I get to dance all night but because I love the DJs. I have grown to really love the music. I don't count tandas any longer instead I wait for the people that I really enjoy dancing with to show up at a milonga (and sometimes I'm surprised and delighted when I dance with a stranger). I still work on improving technique (darn it why can't I get that leg extension problem beat) but now I'm really focused on connecting with my partner and the music (and relaxing when I dance). I've experienced what a tanda can feel like when I'm able to connect and I strive to make each moment that special.

I haven't brought a new pair of shoes in months. I have one faithful pair I'm wearing until they fall apart. They are comfortable, supportive and not too painful on the eye.

Downside: Lack of tango crew and injuries

Tango Crew: The tango crew I learned to dance with has mostly moved on with their lives. New hobbies, marriages, jobs, life, and tango frustration have effectively dissolved the Beginner's Tango Crew. As a result, I've gotten used to going to milongas alone. I will sometimes bump into people I know but the post-milonga diner recaps are a pleasant memory. Most Saturdays I walk / run to the train station alone with my dance shoes, oversized tanguera luggage-like handbag, humming Pugliese or Di Sarli.

Injuries: All this practice and work on technique has a cost (OUCH). I have scars on my feet from ankle straps pinching after 3 hour classes, inflamed IT bands in my hips, sore feet, etc... I've started taking pilates to strengthen my core, meditating to soothe my soul, and Spinning to burn off any stray calories.

Overall I've loved my tango journey. It's been filled with ups, downs, embarrassing moments, tango crushes & heartbreak, laughter and tears but I've learned so much about myself, the community I dance in, and the people that make NYC tango great.

Ciao,

Pantina

PSA - Public Service Announcement: Milonga Etiquette

2010-05-29T15:37:00.003-04:00

Hi! In case you're wondering I'm still dancing, however, I was feeling very passive about my tango blogging... until now. Most tangueros/as have read at least one article regarding milonga etiquette. I would like to add a few of my observations on the topic.

Milonga Etiquette

1. Don't Text ( or Accept Calls) & Dance: Everyone has had that experience of being in a movie theater and there's ONE rude person that gets a call and feels the need to conduct an entire conversation in a public venue. (I personally can live without all the details of your terrible breakup or the uncomfortable itch that you had to discuss with your OB/GYN.) However, what I saw recently took the cake - - people taking calls at a milonga on their bluetooth headsets... ::seriously:: What is THAT important that you need to be 'plugged in' while you are at a milonga? If you need to take a call please do so off of the hardwood and remove your headset.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised - - I once saw a gentleman sending a text message on his blackberry in the middle of a Spin class.

2. BYOH: Tangueros & tangueras sweat. However, after having the experience of someone's sweat going into my mouth (OHHH THE HORROR - - I'M HAVING A FLASHBACK NOW!!!) I have a new way of handling this - BYOH (Bring Your Own Handkerchief). I know it may appear polite to offer me your sweat filled handkerchief to me to wipe my brow between songs but seriously no.... I can't wipe myself down with your sweat rag... I just can't (::skin crawling::).... and please don't ask me for my handkerchief.... BYOH.

3. Reservations Are Not Accepted: Most NYC restaurants require reservations, however, there are some neighborhood gems that don't allow patrons to reserve tables in advance. The same should be understood about tandas - - no reserving tandas in advance. I have seen tangueros (and tangueras) try to line their dance cards up with their favorite partners. I guess the thought process is that if they ask in advance you will decline all comers until you are up on their rotation... not so. Accepting a dance invitation depends on the music, the mood, and the moment and there's no way to know that in advance. Sorry... reservations are not accepted.

4. Gas: Yes, gas. I went to a milonga and I don't know what kind of snacks they had on the bar but I danced with two leads that each "BURPED" in my ear (repeatedly). Okay, one burp you can overlook and 'gas' happens but when you are keeping pace with the music.... Please say 'excuse me' and for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY turn your head the other way....

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - - Don't Speak or Tell Me Something Good?

2010-03-18T21:20:00.002-04:00

Here are the results from the last Poll of the Week -

How do you balance your drinking at milongas?

I prefer to stay 'dry' and focused - 52%

I have a few drinks in moderation - 47%

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Everyone has been there.... You're at a milonga and you've been asked to dance. After the first song in the tanda there is a break in the music what do you do?

Some people make small talk.

Others appear to recite the magna carte before they start dancing again.

Still others don't say a word and start dancing to the next song.

I know people on both sides of the issue:

- Some like a little small talk between the songs. They feel it creates a nice chemistry.

- Other people don't want any talking at all - - we aren't friends, we aren't dating, this is just a dance so DANCE.

I've danced with people that have interviewing skills that would make Barbara Walters look like a rookie.

and

I've also danced with people that have looked at me crazy when I asked them how their day was going.

So here's the poll of the week question - - What do you think about small talk during a tanda?

Ciao,

Pantina

PSA - How to Identify a Mature Tanguera

2010-03-14T20:22:00.005-04:00

PSA - - How to Identify a Mature Tanguera

1. A Mature Tanguera Knows Her Music: A mature tanguera will not only know the difference between milonga, tango, and vals but she will also be able to identify orchestras. She has an understanding of music and how to interact with it.

2. A Mature Tanguera is Able to Say 'No Thank You': No more saying 'yes' to every person that approaches her for a dance. No more struggling through being pushed, pulled and man handled on the hardwood. She is able to smile, make eye contact, and say (confidently) 'No, thank you'.

3. A Mature Tanguera Knows It's Not About Quantity of Tandas: A mature tanguera doesn't make notches on her CiFs to keep track of how many tandas she dances in a night. She watches and waits for the opportunity to dance with a tanguero that she feels will be a good (perhaps great) lead for a particular tanda.

4. A Mature Tanguera Dresses Age Appropriately: I can't say it enough... If you're a woman of a 'certain age' you can not, CAN NOT, compete with a fit 20-something dressed in dental floss and cobwebs. The hot 20-something will always beat you in the revealing dressing category. Even if your body is a pilates sculpted work of perfection the 20-something's wrinkle free skin and YOUTH will catch eyes and turn heads.

However when a woman is confident, elegantly attired, and understands music and movement she doesn't need to make herself look foolish by attempting to roll back the hands of time. The basic fact is this - - Forever 21 is myth....

'nuff said

5. A Mature Tanguera Knows Her Strengths & Weaknesses: She knows that her boleos are INCREDIBLE but that she needs to work on her over-rotated ochos. She's willing to put in the work to become a better dancer.

6. A Mature Tanguera Doesn't Over Embellish: Really. Seriously. You need to self boleo at every opportunity?!? Out of sync toe taps, dancing every beat and pause... A mature tanguera knows what works and how to make the movement beautiful and uniquely hers.

7. A Mature Tanguera Mentors Baby Tangueras: When a baby tanguera approaches her with a question (or offers a complement) she is gracious.

Here's to maturity!

Ciao,

Pantina

Update from the Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles

2010-02-22T23:06:00.004-05:00

Well I've kept off the weight that I lost last year and I'm toying with the idea of losing 10 - 12 more pounds. However, I realize that although I am now 'shrunken' I'm not exactly 'toned' so I'm working on weight training.

I love trying new things so I grabbed a girlfriend and we took a pole dancing class.... It was an amazing experience.

First off - - ouch..... The warm up tried to kill me. I had to remind myself to breathe. Stretching, sexy sit ups, and the 'girlie stripper' push ups. I never realized that 'sexy' was such hard work. I worked up a sweat and thought to myself, "Is it over yet?"

Not so....

The instructor said, "Ladies, if you have them put on your shoes."

So I reached for my fab NeoTangos and thought I was doing something...

Oh I was doing something alright... I looked like I just broke out the tango convent. These women had on their 5-inch stripper platform heels and they could walk, spin, bow, drop it like it was hot & pick it back up with no problems. My friend and I just stared at the more advanced dancers slack jawed. Not only did they have incredible balance their bodies were toned and ultra-feminine. No over developed 'man muscles' here - - just curves....

I learned how to climb the pole and was surprised that I actually did it. The walking around the pole was easy... Think of it like a sexy, tango strut, but ummm the spinning... Well, I have a lot of work to do on that one. It's about timing and technique. And it didn't help that I put lotion on that morning so I was greasing up every pole I worked on! I felt like I was leaving a trail of 'lotion slime' as every pole had to be wiped clean with rubbing alcohol. (hey! I didn't realize that my 24-hour moisturizing lotion lived up to its promise)

By the end of the class I was stretched out and smiling. I wasn't 'bringing the sexy' by any means but it was a fun workout.

As my friend and I were walking out of class a 60+ year old woman with beautiful silver hair walked in to join the advanced class that followed ours.

I'm done....

That did it!

Grandma can work a pole....

I'm signing up and I hope I'm that grown & sexy when I'm her age!

Overall the arm, ab, leg & butt workout was incredible - - I was sore for days. I would definitely recommend it to a friend.

Ouch,

Pantina

Tango Bootie Call

2010-02-22T22:34:00.005-05:00

Recently I came home from work and I was exhausted. I've been putting in a lot of hours at the office and during the weekends I'm focused on practicing tango and dancing. When I came home this night all I wanted to do was sit back, relax, and go to bed early.

It was so cold outside that I put on my 'extra sexy' pair of pink polar fleece pajamas with the cutesy bunny pattern (I know how to bring sexy all the way back!), I pulled out my favorite blanket, a book, and decided to forgo the usual evening milonga for a quiet, warm, comfortable night at home. Just me, a cup of tea, a good book, and my dog.....

Then my mobile phone buzzed and I saw I had a message.

Mr. Wow sent me an email to let me know he was going out to a milonga.

My milonga

The milonga I had planned on skipping...

::OMG!!::

You don't understand.

Mr. Wow is simply that - - WOW!! A wonderful salon lead, gracious, kind, and a wonderful dancer. His musicality is spot on - - simultaneously sexy & playful. I adore dancing with him (and a lot of tangueras wait patiently for him to ask them to dance). And now he's going to be at a milonga that I wasn't planning on going to and I'm at home looking like a old maid train wreck in polar fleece bunny print pjs...

I looked at the clock and realized I had 17 minutes to change, find something to wear to the milonga, pack my shoes, run to the car, and drive to the train station..

I made it with three minutes to spare.

When I arrived at the milonga I changed into my outfit and fixed my makeup. Then I saw him standing and watching the floor.....

::sigh happiness::

After we exchanged greetings he asked me to dance and about a hour and a half later I thanked him for the amazing dances but I had to stop because I needed to catch the train back home.

That was a classic example of a tango bootie call*.

Pantina Tango Terminology:

Tango Bootie Call - When a tanguera receives a call from a tanguero in the late hours of the evening informing her that he will be at a particular location and she drops EVERYTHING to meet said tanguero at a milonga in the hopes of dancing with them.

As I ran from the milonga to catch the last train to the suburbs I thought to myself, "I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow.".

And I couldn't stop smiling because I really didn't care.

He was worth it!

Ciao,

Pantina

Tango 2.0

2010-02-22T22:26:00.002-05:00

Earlier this year a tango mentor hit me with some tough love that challenged me to reevaluate my dancing.

I knew I had to do something and I had a few options:

- I could walk away from studying and settle into my current level.

- I could walk away from tango completely and pick up a new hobby

- I could recommit to studying and break through to a new level.

Well I decided to stick it out and now my tango journey has changed from "Twists & Tango" to "Tango 2.0"

I have a new privates instructor

a new group class instructor

a new studio

new practicas

and of course

new shoes......

I'll keep you posted.

Ciao,

Pantina

Lessons Learned…. Once Bitten. Twice Shy.

2010-02-01T20:00:00.002-05:00

I’m still shell shocked from my tango experiences of late. As a result I’ve become more cautious in my tango related pursuits. Whether it’s looking for instructors, practicing, taking classes, even purchasing shoes. I’m approaching tango with a level head, clear focus, and willingness to learn.

Here are a few lessons I learned over the last year.

Selecting a Privates Instructor

Reputation – Tangueros/as talk. All gossip isn’t true but ask around about the instructor. Watch them dance. Speak to their current (and former) students. If you were having someone work on your home you would ask for recommendations. You can do the same for your instructors.
Professionalism – Once you schedule an appointment with your instructor are they on time? Are they prepared for your lesson? Do they come with a plan for your hour or do they ‘wing it’? I can’t stress this enough. I had an instructor that was habitually late. At first it didn’t bother me. He would call and let me know he was running late. I justified it by saying, “what’s five minutes?” Then five minutes became 15 minutes, 18 minutes…. then it became insulting.
Methodology – How does your instructor teach you? Is it a laid out plan in advance or do they fly by the seat of their pants? How does your instructor mark your progress? Digressions? Areas of improvement? Do they suggest videos for you to watch? Books for you to read? Does their teaching methodology match they way you learn?
Carrot & Stick Balance – Does your instructor bathe you in praise or criticism? Too much of either one isn’t good.
Professional Boundaries – You may become friendly with your instructor but DO NOT forget this is a business arrangement. Speak up when you experience something that you don’t like. It’s your money & time - - ask for what you want.

Shoes

Bright & Shiny – I LOVE beautiful shoes. I really do but don’t let the ‘bright & shiny' shoes distract you from selecting quality shoes you can dance (and walk) well in.
Fit – I have a large foot - - pure & simple. For 2010 my shoe resolution is to no longer force my foot into shoes and have them stretched to fit. Not only is your dancing effected by ill-fitting shoes your feet will suffer as well. Take the time and try on as many shoes as possible. Have them custom made in order to get the best fit possible.
Variety – Have a few pairs of shoes in your tango rotation. It will keep your feet from developing ‘pressure points’ from wearing the same shoes over, and over, and over again. Rotating shoes will also extend the life of your footwear.
Learn How to ‘Speak Shoe” – When you meet a shoe distributor know what you like - - heel height, style, fabric, sole, and cut. Do your research. It will save you money wasted on ill-fitted shoes and pain from breaking in shoes that don’t fit you properly.

Feel free to add any other 'pearls of tango wisdom' to the list.

Ciao,

Pantina

New Poll - - To Drink or Not To Drink

2010-01-31T10:53:00.002-05:00

It’s been awhile since I could think of an interesting question for polling. One evening it finally hit me.

***Drinking alcohol at milongas***

One night I was working the bar at a milonga and there were two types of people - - those that drank alcohol and those who avoided it. When I first started going to milongas I avoided all forms of alcohol for two reasons - - I was beginning the 'shrinking tanguera' program and I was also afraid of drinking anything that would impede my chances of dancing or keeping my balance.

Now that I’ve been doing this for a while I don’t look at milongas like competitions of “who can get to dance more”. Now I may have a glass of wine while I talk to my friends.

On the other hand I've had the experience of dancing with leads that have had too much to drink. The experience is like a roller derby on stilettos: sloppy floor craft, questionable footwork, wondering hands, slurred speech, horrific musicality - - Yuck!!!

So here’s the question - - how do you balance your fun at milongas? Do you stay dry all night long or do you partake in some wine and/or spirits?

Ciao,

Pantina

Developmental Courage

2010-01-25T22:52:00.006-05:00

I had to complete some mandatory on-line training at work. The training is usually pretty awful. But something interesting jumped out at me....

***Developmental Courage***

The training module began with the phrase "Developmental Courage" and stated that a person with this attribute will value learning more than comfort. They are willing to risk public failure, deep frustration, and the repeated hopelessness of being at wit's end all in the name of building new skills, awareness or knowledge.

It was a tango 'ah ha' moment for me.

Right in the middle of my on-line training.

I can't let this temporary set back discourage me completely. It's time to hit the hardwood with a new goal in mind with a new focus. I'm grateful (no matter how uncomfortable it was to hear) for the information my tango mentor shared with me. Now it's time to put in some work, with new shoes, and really get down to brass tacks.

My mentor suggested an instructor that is close to my home that I could consider. I will stop in and have a look, take a lesson, and see what new pearls of wisdom I can glean.

From this I discovered a new fire for tango. I feel strong and healthy. I'm ready to stretch my legs and really challenge myself and see what happens.

Will I mess up - - yes, but mistakes are the fuel for the best stories.

Ciao,

Pantina

The Truth Will Make You Free. (It Won't Be Pretty But You'll Be Free)

2010-01-24T10:58:00.007-05:00

Well it wasn't pretty (or smooth) but I made it back to the dance floor. After several mis-steps things started to come back to me and I realized I hadn't forgotten all my tango knowledge.

I also realized the problems I had with my technique prior to my leave were still there...

My home studio is small so I feel like I'm doing well, however, when I go into the tango 'bad lands' of NYC I realize that I'm not so good. It's a strange situation to be in - - on one hand I'm lavished in praise and on the other I'm ignored.

Confused (and looking for clarity) I went to a tango mentor who's honesty I value. I told them what I was experiencing and asked for help - - an honest critique of sorts.

Well the bible says, "You shall know the truth and the truth will make you free."

Well I'm free now.

shaken.

but free.

This is the result of our conversation.

1. My walk - incredibly unstable. I need to work on foot placement and extension.

::seriously - - I'm glad I spent $$$ on privates and hours practicing my walk. I was embarrassed by the critique and then angry. All that time spent with walking drills, extending, waiting, collecting, going back and forth across the floor and the issue wasn't corrected? Endless ochos in front of a mirror until the rug at my gym was worn down from the repetition. Hours of practicing with no results?!?! Why did I bother?!! Why did I waste that money?! A fool and their money are soon departed. Well I sure felt like a fool and I could have used the money I wasted as a down payment on a cruise to the South Pacific. ::

2. I have to learn how to negate my height and my body mass...

::sigh:: Body mass... a touchy subject. Although I see his point. I have managed to keep off the weight that I lost last year and when I heard the phrase 'negate your body mass' I thought 'How much more work would you have me lose?" My tango mentor went on to say it wasn't a question of weight but mass...

So I looked at pictures and realized the tangueras that I go out with, that dance often all have a similar build - - thin through the waist, narrow backs, and small delicate frames.

Unless I hang out with professional drag queens and learn how to tie myself up in a corset I will NEVER have a tiny waist. Narrow back? not in my gene pool....

I also don't have a small, delicate frame that floats weightlessly on CiFs. If I did have these things I wouldn't be me and I'm happy with me.

As I write out my tango goals for 2010 I have a lot to think about...

Should I risk taking privates again with another instructor?

Should I continue to go out to milongas and 'sit & smile'?

How much do I want to get out of tango?

What else am I willing to put into it?

Decisions... decisions......

Ciao,

Pantina

P.S. AJ - this is why I was so quiet on Saturday. Sorry I didn't have a chance to explain. See you soon.

Truth, Dare, Consequences, Private or Repeat

2010-01-10T21:27:00.003-05:00

When I was a child I went to overnight camp in the summer. Picture a bunch of city girls camping in the woods learning how to make baskets out of popsicle sticks & glue, swimming in lakes, and learning how to live without television. We had to find ways to fill up our time so we sang campfire songs and played games. The one I remember the most (because it got us into the most trouble) was Truth, Dare, Consequences, Private or Repeat (“TDCPoR”).

The rules were simple. A person would have to chose one of those topics and answer the questions or perform the action that the group came up with.

You can see how this could be a terribly wicked game to play with pre-teen girls in the woods, locked away from boys and television diversions.

Well in this blog it’s my turn to play the cyber version of TDCPoR.

Truth: The truth is that I haven’t been posting lately because I haven’t been dancing a lot lately. Without getting into too much detail I was very ill towards the end of the year (no, I was not contagious). My sickness took a toll on not only my joints but also my eyes. I tried lying to myself saying, “It’s not that bad.” And pressing on through the discomfort but denial is not a good substitute for the truth.

Dare: I started daring myself to continue to go out dancing. Illness is never fun and I thought to myself, “If I’m still able to dance 3-5 days a week I’m not sick.” Well like all dares there’s only so far that you can push it until you reach a point of no return.

Consequences: I was sick, miserable and in an incredible amount of pain. I needed rest. I took time off from work and pulled back from everything. My consequence was that I became a hermit.

Private: My ‘private’ revelation is simple - - the thought of returning to tango scares me. The last milonga I went to I had a wonderful time but I was in so much pain afterwards. Even though I’ve gotten a clean bill of health and have experienced a full recovery I remember the pain and I don’t want to feel like that again. It’s a fear response so taking that first step to get back in the scene is going to be a big one.

Repeat: My ‘repeat’ is a little tango mantra, “You are well. You love tango. Get back out there!”

I’m determined to return to the dance floor this week. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Wishing everyone a beautiful (and healthy) 2010. Try not to take ANYTHING for granted - - your health, your sight, your mobility is precious!

Ciao,

Pantina

A New Poll - - How Do You Stay Awake?

2009-12-08T19:07:00.003-05:00

I've finally come to a point where I enjoy going to milongas. Even if I don't dance there are some milongas that I enjoy going to just to sit, watch, talk and laugh with friends. However, going out more often has a toll attached to it... I'm exhausted.

I've learned a few tricks about how to stay awake and fully functional at my full-time job.

Coffee, Tea, Mate, Espresso, Mountain Dew - My drink of choice after a long night dancing is a triple shot latte with skim milk (four shots if I've danced two or more nights in a row).

Exercise - I will exercise during my lunch break if I feel my energy start to wane. After a run or a spin class I usually have enough energy to conquer the day.

Power Naps - This I can only do during the weekend. Although there is a 'nursing & resting' room at work for women that are expecting I don't want to get into the habit of sleeping on the job (even if it is on my lunch hour)

Eating Snacks - This is not a good way to stay awake but I admit there are times when I will reach for something to eat when I am over tired. Since I don't want to gain the weight back that I lost I will go for extra fruit, soy crisps, or cut veggies.

So here's' the poll question - - what do you do to stay awake after long nights of tango fun?

Ciao,

Pantina

Road Trip - - BsAs!!!

2009-12-08T18:58:00.003-05:00

Well, I wish it was me...

But those things called 'work' and 'year-end projects' were getting in the way of my international tango fun.

However, some of my friends (Miss Gold Star, Miss Venus, Mr. Gentleman, Ms. Yogi, and Instructor) are going to BsAs this week and I'm so excited for them. Any suggestions about milongas they can attend? They all dance wonderfully and you'll be able to spot the women as soon as they walk into a room - - are all 6'0 and over with their heels on.

Next year I will be in BsAs..... Until then - - practice, dance, and enjoy!!

Ciao,

Pantina

Marry, Do, Kill....

2009-11-29T11:04:00.004-05:00

One day I was hanging out with a group of work friends from my part-time job and someone suggested that we play a round of 'Marry, Do, Kill' with the work schedule to help pass the time.

The rules are simple. You go through the list of people scheduled for the day and you have to choose whether you would marry them, kill them, or simply 'do' them.

Now while I'm watching on the sidelines at a milonga I sometimes play a tanguera's verison of 'marry, do, kill'. There's a sexiness to this dance that some leads embody immediately and other simply miss.

There are tangueros that are T.A.Ts that specialize in MbMs and then there are the Pushers & Blamers.

T.A.Ts - 'Time & Attention' Tangueros: These wonderful leads spend time and attention on their dancing and what they learn they share with their partners. They take classes, go to workshops, practice & drill, read books, watch videos, embrace musicality (some even bring a change of clothing to milongas) and they listen to their partners. These are leads that never rush and always satisfy.

The first time a T.A.T asked me to dance I was overwhelmed. I watched him dance for months and admired the way he treated all of his partners with respect. He makes everything look effortless. When we went into our embrace I immediately started shaking. I thought to myself, "AACCKKK!!! Why am I shaking now??" However, the T.A.T simply took a few deep breaths, waited for me to breathe with him, held me closer, and gave a me hug in the embrace.

I immediately stopped shaking and became putty in his hands. Since that dance he could ask me to dance in the middle of the Sahara at noon, barefoot, in my underwear and I would follow him with a smile on my face.

Mind-blowing Multiples (MbMs): Some tangueros love to dance multiple tandas with their partners. I've waited entire milongas for particular tangueros to become free, however, tangueros that focus on MbMs will dance with a single tanguera until she finally says, 'I need to take a break'. Their focus is solely on the partner they're dancing with and they want to get to know everything about her. After dancing with these marathoners they know everything about your tango and how your body works. At the end of the night your feet ache and your legs feel like rubber but it was all worth it!

On the other side of the coin are the Pushers and Blamers

Pushers: Have no regard for their partners. It's all about their technique and their tango. They will push and shove a tanguera until she either gets the step, falls, or walks away. Their focus is selfish and centers on self-gratification and self-fulfillment. It would be less painful if they worked out their technique on a blow-up doll.

Blamers: When you dance with a blamer every mistake is your fault. Never mind that his lead was unclear it was your fault for not reading his mind and taking the step. Blamers never see the error in their technique. If the dance isn't smooth and beautiful it's always the tanguera's fault. They never see their short comings.....

Now while I'm waiting on the sidelines I watch the dancefloor with a new perspective. Instead of thinking, "When will someone ask me to dance?" I'm trying to find T.A.Ts and avoid the Pushers and Blamers.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week: To Dance or Not To Dance

2009-11-14T08:00:00.003-05:00

It's been a long while since I've posted a Poll of the Week question. I didn't want to ask something too basic like "what's your favorite tango shoe?" or something too contrived. I've been waiting for something to hit me. Something that was interesting. I hope this question satisfies.

-----------------------------------

To Dance (With) or Not to Dance (With) - - That is the Question

Earlier this year I started taking privates with Mr. Vanquish (aka Mr. Privates Instructor). I learned a lot about tango technique and was able to not only build a solid foundation but also build my tango self-esteem. One day during our lesson he said something that shocked me,

"Dancing with students at milongas is work."

Excuse me?

Really?

Since he had danced with me at a few milongas around town I immediately did the 'woman' thing applied his off-handed remark to myself. I asked, "You've danced with me at milongas. Are you saying that those dances were 'work'?"

He back peddled and talked about 'dancing with people at his level' and how with students you never really get to dance..... blah blah blah..... etc. etc. etc.

I stopped listening half-way through his explanation.

Needless to say I was immediately indignant (and my tango self-esteem took a hit). I understand an advanced dancer's desire to dance with someone of a similar skill set but aren't milongas also social events where you dance with your friends? It's not a workshop where the two of you need to be at the same level in order to keep up with the subject matter. A milonga is about the social environment, the people around you, the music, the connection, the atmosphere.

Since my conversation with Mr. Privates Instructor I have encountered two types of teachers - - those that dance with students socially and those that don't.

What are your thoughts? Should teachers dance with students at milongas? Why? or Why not?

Ciao,

Pantina

Tango Adolescence

2009-11-13T19:20:00.004-05:00

Recently I reconnected with some friends from highschool through Facebook and laughed at what I saw. People were posting photos of themselves and their friends from 'back in the day'. At one point someone had a picture of me complete with BIG 80's hair, a unibrow (I didn't wax or tweeze my eyebrows until I graduated college), and purple glitter eyeshadow. (At the time I was a huge Prince & Sheila E. fan so everything wore had to have a hint of purple in it)

Adolescence is rarely pretty but everyone has to go

through those awkward moments in order to reach adulthood.

This brings me to a new phase in my tango journey - - 'tango adolescence'. I'm no longer a beginner but I'm not even close to being an advanced student. Sure I can sit in on an advanced class and if the leads are generous and the teacher is kind I can catch on but the sheer excellence and consistency of clean, sharp technique is still a work in progress.

You know you're in tango adolescence because you feel an awkward tension in your movement like you're caught between two worlds - - to a beginner you look advanced and confident but an advanced student sees all the imperfections and areas that need improving.

There is a positive side to tango adolescence - - the dance is still new, exciting and fresh but in a different way. I'm no longer scared of volcadas or looking for the next BIG move or combination. I'm more concerned with my walk, am I collecting, are my feet articulated, how is my embrace, and how's my musicality. Tango adolescence draws me into myself and back to the complicated basics of the dance. My focus is on the question, "how can I make this dance elegant and beautiful?"

Thank goodness tango adolescence isn't marked with bad hair & makeup and poor eyebrow maintenance. Instead I mark my process to adulthood by the smoothness of my walk and the shoes that I walk in!

Ciao,

Pantina

In Search of Unicorns & Perfect Footwear

2009-10-26T08:00:00.003-04:00

Since beginning tango I've been looking for the perfect tango shoe - - stylish, comfortable, and affordable. My search can be compared to stories about unicorns. Tales are often told but the evidence is never seen.

After taking a good look at my beat up feet I decided to take the plunge and order my first pair of custom made tango shoes. After sketches and measurements were taken, I selected the style, fabric, color, heel height, heel style, and POOF my perfect pair of tango shoes were born.

Since the process took over a month I purchased two pairs to make it worth the effort.

These were purchased from Victorio's Tango Shoes. The merchant, Francesca, is a talented tanguera that hosts visiting artists from BsAs. She's helpful, knowledgeable, professional, and reliable. She helped me narrow my focus and select shoes that would fit my requirements - - a solid practice shoe with a lower heel (that was still pretty).

Here are the results.....

The red pair has an embossed daisy pattern running through the leather. They remind me of Christmas morning and make me instantly happy whenever I look at them.

The black pair is more practical. More subtle than my usual shoe selection but they go with EVERYTHING!!!

Finally, I received a pair of "to die for" Neo Tangos as a birthday gift from Ms. Coco Caliente. I burst into tears when I received them and even now I get choked up everytime I put them on. She blew me away completely with her generosity & kindness.

These glittery babies were a perfect fit and I've been wearing them almost non-stop since I received them.

Since I have reached my New Year's resolution for shoe purchases I am finished ordering shoes for 2009. Unless I break or lose a pair I have more than enough comfortable shoes now to take me through 2010.

Unless they come out with a pair of cheetah or leopard print stilettos with a t-strap....

come on!!!

I LOVE animal prints & t-straps! Finding a pair of shoes that had both characteristics would be like finding a unicorn.

Ciao,

Pantina

UGGgggHHHhhh!!!!

2009-10-25T09:40:00.002-04:00

After a sickness that could be described as "hell on earth" I am finally ready to approach the hardwood again.

I didn't realize how ill I was until one night I was at a milonga and one of my favorite partners asked me to dance. I was feeling a little run down but what tanguera doesn't feel tired after working, taking tango classes, and dancing until the wee hours of the morning several nights a week.

As we danced he started to feel odd. His embrace changed and instead of hugging me I felt like he was holding me at arm's length. At the end of the first song he asked me, "Are you okay?" I said, "Yes. Why do you ask?"

"It sounds like you're wheezing."

WHAT!?!?!

::BLUSH::

HORROR

I don't wheeze... I've NEVER wheezed!

I said, "No, I'm fine. I must be getting over a cold or something."

The next day it hit me full blast

- fever

- chills

- muscle aches

- shortness of breath

and, of course

- wheezing

I hope I didn't make my partner ill. And if I did apologies.. I really didn't realize that I had become the tanguera 'Typhoid Mary'.

So now I make my way back to the floor with NEW SHOES!!!!

(photos to follow)

Ciao,

Pantina

For the Ladies - - But the Gentlemen Can Watch Too...

2009-10-13T05:51:00.001-04:00

I'm trying to find another workout routine that will enable me to tone my core, arms and back. Sure I've lost the weight but now I'm feeling a bit 'fluffy' or 'loose'. And my flexibility has stayed the same.

I want to tone up without bulking up and get my splits back. That's when I saw a video that a friend posted....

SHUT UP!!!

Those women are incredibly strong and don't look like they have been sharing their vitamins with a race horse. When I grow up I want to be able to be strong enough to support my entire body weight 5 feet above the ground with MY ARMPIT ::wtf:: !!!

Okay, I don't think I can go straight to a pole dancing class though. My core and arms aren't strong enough for a pull up. Never mind shimming up a 3-inch piece of metal. I'll need the pre-pole dancing, get some strength together first, mat class. Something to build up a baseline of strength before I embarass myself by falling right off the pole Day 1.

I don't see myself starting these classes before the end of the year but as soon as I do I'll keep you posted.

Ciao,
Pantina

P.S. Umm.... I don't think I would have to worry about being sucked in by the footwear either.. Do you think you can swing on a pole in CiF?

Forget the Dragon - - Enter the Cabeceo

2009-10-12T21:13:00.007-04:00

As much as I would like to believe that I am immune to peer pressure, in tango, I cave to it. As a result I find myself dancing with anyone who walks over and asks me. Sometimes this works out to my benefit but then there are other times when I wish I would have had a V8 instead of accepting the invitation.

My defenses (and common sense) go out the window when a gentleman walks over to me, sticks out his hand, makes eye contact and asks me to dance. I lose the ability to say 'no, thank you.' My feet could be screaming in pain and I hear myself say, "sure let me change my shoes."

So sad....

Who is this woman that can't say 'no'?

Enter the Cabeceo... The perfect tool for tangueras like me.

****************************************************

Recently I took a class and I met a baby tanguero that had the heart of a lion but the technique of a drugged lamb. This wouldn't have been so bad I mean EVERYONE has moments of awkwardness (I know I do) but it was his attitude that set my teeth on edge.

He swore every mis-step was the follower's fault.

The class rotated partners and eventually I found myself with Mr. Lionheart. We began to walk and he stopped and sighed. I ignored him. He walked again and tried to push me. He looked at me and asked in a disgusted tone, " "Do you know how to follow the Cross?"

Beg!

Your!

Pardon!!!

You must be joking? or perhaps high?

This wet-behind-the-ears, rude tanguero was asking me if I could follow a cross?!?!

There are few moments in tango when I feel 110% confident and in complete control. This was one of those times.

I stopped reaching for my earrings and decided that I would deal with this upstart in a calm, cool, professional manner. No need to resort to eye rolling....

I squared my shoulders off and said, "Yes, I can follow a cross."

"Then why aren't you doing it?" He had the nerve to be indigent and arrogant....

I took a deep breath and said, "Your lead wasn't clear. Let me show you." I immediately changed the frame and lead him into a perfect cross.

Two snaps up for Pantina!!

::woot!! woot!!::

Ever since that incident when I see him at a milonga I avoid him like the H1N1 virus and for some reason he wants to dance with me.

I guess some men like to be spanked.....

But that's a topic for a different blog

Fortunately Mr. Lionhearted started using the cabeceo to invite people to dance. As I watched the dance floor I felt someone looking at me. When I looked up and I made eye contact with him briefly and looked away.

The next tanda he looked my way and I averted by gaze.

By the third tanda he knew I wasn't in the market to dance with him.

I have to say it was so refreshing not to say, "No, not right now." or "Can I catch you later?"

Just a simple averted glance.

OHH I wish I could cabeceo at work... Or better yet at family holiday gatherings.....

Life would be so much easier!!!

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week: The Carrot or The Stick?

2009-09-23T09:48:00.001-04:00

Here are the results of last's month's poll - -

Is it acceptable to ask a tanguero to dance?

Yes - 30% / No - 70%

It looks like tangueras are leaving the asking to to the men.....

************************************************

Every teacher has a different way of motivating their students. Some teachers use the carrot while others prefer the stick.

Mr. Privates Instructor doesn't give out carrots often. He feels it causes the students to become arrogant. As a result he will say very little about improvements in your dancing. He will simply mark the areas where you need improvement. His theory is that all beginners suck and that they need to perfect the fundamentals. His lessons consist of drills and corrections sandwiched between an opening & closing dance. He doesn't waste time with carrots - - he feels the stick produces improvement from students.

Mr. BsAs Instructor is extremely different. Although he says very little during his workshops and practicas he actively watches the floor for any possible errors and provides correction. He's approachable if you have any questions and will work with you until you have the difficulties ironed out. Once you were able to execute the movement he gives you a big smile and pat on the back. That's your carrot.

So here's the poll of the week - -

If you were forced to choose between being motivated by the carrot or the stick which one would you choose?

Ciao,

Pantina

Final Update From the Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles

2009-09-23T05:43:00.002-04:00

The Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles started in January and now I'm down a total of 40 pounds.

I would like to lose 10 more pounds but instead I want to change my focus to toning, adding yoga to my fitness regime, and maintenance.

Here's the before and after tale of the tape.

Before

Dress Size: 18/16W

Jeans: 16

Tops: XL

Bra: 42D

After

Dress Size: 14/12

Jeans: 8 or 10

Tops: M or L

Bra: 38D

Maintenance is a challenge but I plan to keep fitness, healthy eating and tango as a part of my 'shrunken' lifestyle. As far as tango goes in relation to weight I feel more confident so I dance more confidently. Also the reduced size has opened a whole new world to me as far as clothing options. Before I was limited to plus size stores or whatever Size 16s I could find in a straight sized store. Now I'm overwhelmed with options....

I can shop in stores ranging from Express to True Religion.

Well not True Religion since I refuse to give anyone $250+ for a pair of jeans.....

The next battle I want to take up... learning Spanish....

Ciao,

Pantina, The Shrunken Tanguera

Tango Shoe Dreams

2009-09-22T09:00:00.000-04:00

Let me begin by saying I was choking on envy......

A baby tanguera came into the studio with the most FABULOUS pair of shoes.... Strappy gladiator-type sandals that I have never seen before from ANY tango shoe manufacturer. I asked her "Who made your shoes? They are spectular!"

She said, "Manlo Blanik"

excuse me???? did you just say Manlo Blanik?

My jaw literally dropped and my eyes popped out of my head...

I was struck speechless and green (with envy) at the same time.

She continued, "I don't like tango shoes. They all look alike. I wanted something different so I purchased these and had a new sole put on them."

I was still speechless... She was wearing Manlos...... wow.......

When I regained my composure I told her, "Well, you go girl!!! They are really eye catching and I wish I could do it."

Back in the Clinton-dot-com era when EVERYONE had money I might have been able to pull that purchase off. But now in the post-economic meltdown era I can't justify the expediture... but I wish I could......

I found two pairs of Christian Louboutin's and a pair of Jimmy Choo's I would LOVE to convert to tango shoes. Of course I would probably break my neck or twist my ankles but I would go down looking good....

Speechless,

Pantina

In Search of Tango HOTNESS!!!!

2009-09-21T08:30:00.001-04:00

Okay if you are familiar with this blog you know I have a thing for footwear....

Now that fall is coming I have a vision for a milonga outfit.... Dress shorts with a three inch inseam, fancy tights, a dolman sleeve top and boots.....

But where to find the boots... A fellow blogger warned me that 'friends don't let friends' wear Jorge Nel shoes so I've been looking around for a comfortable dance boot...

And I FINALLY found them........

DANCE NATURALS

(are those angels singing on high)

http://www.luisasdanceboutique.com/

A fellow tanguera swears by these shoes and now she sells them. I went to her website and found my dream boots.... I also revised my outfit - - simple black fitted dress, printed hosiery and THESE BOOTS....

okay they are a bit pricey ($300++)....

Maybe Santa will leave them under the tree for me this year....

Ciao,

Pantina

Donde está la biblioteca?

2009-09-20T15:40:00.003-04:00

The other day a master from BsAs was teaching a milonga class. He's been dancing over 54 years! The last time he was in NYC I saw him dancing at various milongas and was amazed at the smoothness of his walk, the respect he showed each of his partners, and the skill that he navigated the dancefloor. I knew I had to be in that class.

::sigh::

There was one minor problem - - he doesn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish. The only Spanish I remember from highschool is "Donde esta la biblioteca?" (Where is the library?)

Not extremely helpful in a tango class........

There was a translator and as we went through our paces I realized I was one of the few people in the class that wasn't at least bilingual. I was standing in the class feeling very much like the 'ignorant' American. All the languages I know are for research purposes - - I can read and write them but speaking.... well, ummm.... yeah. no.

As The Master demonstrated movements he would say "Claro?"

I'm assuming this means, "understand?" or "clear?"

So if I understood what was demonstrated I would chirp in "Sí, claro"

The class was short of leads so I slipped on the modern dance shoes and decided to work on my lead. During one series I was completely confused... At the end of the the demonstration he said, "Claro?"

I thought to myself, "This is a claro as mud on a mirror."

And I said, "No, claro."

He looked at me expectantly like, "Okay tell me what's going on?" The translator was distracted by another question and the only phrase I could put together was, "uno mas por favor?"

He smiled, took me into the embrace and lead me through the steps. I instantly understood what was missing and smiled. He repeated it just to make sure that I got the movement into my body and then he had me practice it under his supervision with a partner. At the end he smiled and said, "very good".

Since I'm seriously considering going to BsAs next year I need to invest in either Rosetta Stone software or language lessons. I would have loved to be able to converse with such a generous tango master without the intervention of a translator.

Off to practice my dancing and some Spanish.

Adios,

Pantina

PSAs (Public Service Announcements)

2009-09-16T07:47:00.003-04:00

Hi! I wish I could say I've been out dancing every day of the week and met the tanguero of my dreams and that's why I haven't been updating my blog of late..... However, this darn thing called "work" has been pestering me and I've had to focus on the 9-5 of late.

I still go out dancing though and from those experiences I have a few Public Service Announcements (PSAs) that apparently need to be spelled out because some people just don't get it.....

Milonga Floorcraft

PSA #1: The shows 'Forever Tango' and 'Tanguera: The Musical' are fully cast and are not looking for new dancers for their productions. Please do not engage in show tango dancing on the social floor.

I was at a milonga the other night and it was packed. Most couples adjusted their dancing accordingly but there were two couples that insisted on keeping their embrace wide open and whipping each other into a tango frenzy. The people around them were kicked and pushed into submission.

PSA #2: When you accidently kick/step on/bump into or make any physical contact with another couple the appropriate response should be two-fold: an apology and an inquiry to the follower's well being.

Please don't kick someone and act like it didn't happen or start humming the lyrics to that rap song, "Move B*#&ch Get Out The Way!"

Tanguero Tips

PSA #3: When you see the tanguera of your dreams walk into the milonga ask her to dance, however, if she is speaking to her friends acknowledge her friends with a smile, say 'excuse me for interrupting' and then ask her to dance. Anything less is uncivilized.

I went to a milonga with Miss Stunning. She is literally stunning and has no clue of her own good looks (which makes her more attractive). Men race over to ask her to dance, NYC TEACHERS stand in line to dance with her. I've never seen anything like it!! On this evening she had just walked in and we were chatting it up. A tanguero raced over to her, reached over me, and asked her 'Would you like to dance?". We were both stunned. First of all she hadn't even put on her second shoe yet and secondly we were mid-sentence. We stared at him blank faced for a moment and he just stood there waiting for her to dance. He finally said, "Oh were you two talking?" She said, "Yes, we were. Can I find you later? I have to finish PUTTING ON MY SHOES."

Gentleman please know if you treat the girlfriends rudely the tanguera of your dreams will put you in the penalty box.

Tanguera Tips

PSA #4: Ladies I know it's rough out there... But it is NEVER, NEVER acceptable to beg, harass, stalk, twist the arm, or shame a tanguero for a dance...

At a practica one lady was having a particularly rough time finding a partner. We were both sitting out and she started loudly complaining, "Why aren't the men dancing with us?"

Oh sweet lord.... please don't throw me into your madness....

As I started sliding down the bench willing myself to become invisible a tanguero walked in and she pointed at him and said, "YOU! Why aren't you dancing!? Why haven't you asked us to dance!?"

He looked shocked, I was horrified and was getting ready to run across the room. He looked at her and said, "You haven't given me a chance." She reached out her hand for him to take it and he walked by her and invited me to the floor. She looked at me like she could have stabbed me in the heart.

PSA #5: If you are a tanguera of a 'certain age', even if you have the physique for it, you should never wear pants that have the word 'JUICY' written on your a$$. Let's face it ladies after a certain age the pants shouldn't read 'JUICY' they should say 'JUICED'.

Ciao,

Pantina

It’s Not You It’s Me….. or It’s Not Me AND It’s Definitely You!

2009-09-05T09:46:00.001-04:00

I remember the first love of my life, Mr. First Serious Boyfriend. I adored him and swore the sun rose in his eyes.... Okay that’s a little too sappy but you get the point. Since I was so in love with him it wasn’t so hard for me to miss the signals that something wasn’t right in (what I thought was) our perfect relationship.

Then one night we went out for dinner and he proceeded to break up with me. At the end of the meal he told me,

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

****At the time I didn’t realize that it wasn’t me or him but it was that fast-tail-hot-mess-cheerleader that he was messing around with on the side - - but that’s a different story for another blog.***

Over the last year of dancing I’ve taken a lot of lessons hoping that I would learn enough ‘steps’ to become a better follower. Whenever I made a mistake dancing I would automatically blame myself and my technique. It couldn’t have been the lead’s error - - the mistake was totally (and always) my fault.

It’s like my dancing was saying, “It’s not you. It’s me.”

During my blogging break I still took classes but I realized something. Even the most advanced dancers make mistakes. I danced with Mr. Privates Instructor one night and he lead me into a step that twisted my back terribly (maybe his mind was elsewhere - - who knows). The next day I was on Tylenol and had to take a break from the gym for the rest of week. OUCH!!! @#$%!!

I’ve been putting all leads (both deserving and undeserving) on a pedestals. I’ve unconsciously thought, “Since you’re leading you must be right and since I’m just a beginner I must be wrong.” This attitude has caused my dancing to be tentative and meek (two traits that aren’t present in my day-to-day personality). But something has changed now… I’m learning to be more present in dancing and I’ve become a more active and engaged follow.

When a lead does something that hurts I tell them. If they lead a step incorrectly I don’t move. And most importantly if they lead something I can’t follow I don’t guess.

This new perspective has made me feel more confident in my movement. I’m not always thinking, “What’s coming next?” instead I’m relaxed and ready to respond.

Ciao,

Pantina

Results from the Milonga Experiment

2009-09-04T07:40:00.003-04:00

I took some time to read through my blog from the beginning up until now. A self-indulgent exercise but a journey I wanted to take. From my reading I noticed there was a lot of learning going on but a certain level of 'tango maturity' was missing. I compare it to cook and chef. Any cook can follow a recipe but a chef can put the extra "BOOM" in the seasoning and spices and make a meal magical.

Since I want a magical dance I entered into a new type of tango conditioning.... maturity.

The first thing I did was to commit to going to two milongas a week faithfully for a month. I choose two milongas that were completely different than one another. One is very traditional with a strong BsAs flavor the other more hip and trendy.

Here's the result........

********************************************************

From the two milongas I went to I discovered that I prefer the more traditional one. The trendy, hip, more youthful milonga is fun to watch but the energy is different. The connection is lacking. The leads want to practice their "moves" and really don't focus on connecting. The environment is a bit more clique-like. They know who they want to dance with during the course of the evening and they approach it with clinical precision. They are there to practice their dance and make it happen.

The more traditional milonga had an element of clique-ishness to it as well but it was different. My friend advised me that I would have to wait about four weeks until I cracked the hidden tanguero code. This meant that I was waiting and watching a lot. A LOT!!! In the middle of the third week of waiting and watching I was starting to question my friend's advice (and my sanity). Just as I was getting ready to pack it up for the night the host of the milonga came over and asked me to dance.

I was so stunned I think my jaw dropped open.

After we finished our dance another gentleman approached me for a tanda and the code was broken! Yipppeee!!!! Milonga acceptance!

What I like about the dancing at this milonga was that it focused on connection. For the most part each person I danced with was focused on their partner. Which caused me to return that focus. The embrace became real and tangible and the dance became free - - more about the movement and less about "the moves".

Also I made a lot of new acquittances at this milonga. I feel very comfortable going there alone because I know I will meet up with at least three people that I know. The night flies by as we are talking about our respective weeks, plans for the weekend, and all the other stuff that helps round out an individual's life.

Finally, I started listening to the music instead of waiting for tandas. And I discovered that I like tango music! When I first started dancing I was all Gotan all the time. Now I have more traditional music in my rotation (who knew?).

This milonga outing experiment showed me that each milonga has a character and an energy all its own and it can only be experienced if you are willing to sit and wait it out. I also experienced first-hand the power that a milonga host has to make or break an evening. This gentleman noticed my milonga sitting & waiting and decided to ask the wallflower to dance. From that moment my wall sitting evenings were cut in half.

Thanks to everyone who offered their advice in my milonga struggles. I would not have been able to stick it out without your insight.

Ciao,

Pantina

Where's Pantina??

2009-09-01T07:51:00.002-04:00

I'm back! I took an extended break because I wanted to focus on tango & life stuff...

During my 'blogger holiday' I learned a lot of things about tango (and life) that I had escaped my attention.

I'll be back tomorrow with updates....

And photos of the new shoes!!

Ciao,

Pantina

The Watcher is Watched

2009-08-12T08:00:00.002-04:00

I've been going to different milongas lately. My goal is to build up enough endurance to stay to the end. Fellow tangueras have advised me that the dancing becomes a lot easier towards the end of a milonga.

As a result of my increased milonga attendance I'm starting to recognize people. There is one tanguero that I love to watch. IMHO he has one of the best embraces in the NYC scene. He's a smooth dancer, considerate, creative, and a thoughtful teacher. All of my friends enjoy it whenever he glides in front of us. We could be mid-sentence and when he glides by all conversation will pause and a hush will fall over our table as we watch his footwork in a moment of reverent awe...... The most amazing part about his dancing is that he does all of this with his eyes closed!

He dances with his eyes closed and NEVER bumps into anyone or anything....

One day I bumped into him (no pun intended) between classes and I had to ask how he is able to dance so smoothly with his eyes closed. He laughed and explained that he dances with his eyes slit because he doesn't like to dance with his glasses on.

OHHH!!!!! That makes sense.

He seemed surprised that I had noticed his dancing and I told him, "When I go out I usually find myself sitting for awhile and I watch the floor. I couldn't help but notice your dancing. It's so smooth."

Then he said something to me that shocked me, "I've also noticed that you've been dancing more. You're really improving and you won't be sitting much longer."

Sigh.... Keep hope alive!

Yes we can,

Pantina

Happy Anniversary To Me!

2009-08-10T21:29:00.006-04:00

I can't believe it.... I've been dancing a year now!

I made it!

Through laughter, tears, foot pain, shoe joy, weight loss, self esteem gain, walking-walking- walking, lessons, classes, workshops, privates, practicas, milongas, friendships, fallen tangueras, tango boyfriends & husbands, lost toenails, festivals, travel plans, budget constraints, fashion mishaps, hosiery obsession, waffle iron mishaps, late-night / early morning diner experiences, coffee, espresso, mate, public transit, trips, naps, yawning, sleeping-in, band-aids, cuts, stumbles, falls, boleo scars, victories, jumps, lifts, pivots, balance, volcadas, and blogging it's been a year of fun and self discovery.

I'm excited to see what the future holds for me in tango. Will I start selling tango shoes? Maybe I'll discover I'm a performer? Or perhaps I'll begin hosting milongas? Or better yet just keep studying this complicated dance that has become an important part of my life.

Now when someone asks me, "So how long have you been dancing?"

I can answer, "About 20 minutes." ::wink::

Thanks for all your comments! Your advice, insight and encouragement have been so helpful!

Ciao,
Pantina

Poll of the Week: Modern Woman or Macho Man?

2009-08-10T20:39:00.009-04:00

Lately I've been focusing on resting, recovery, relaxing and tango. With this in mind I've been "Blogging Without Obligation" and dancing more. From my time on the dance floor and hanging out in the community I feel like I have new stuff to talk about.

So here it is... The new Poll of the Week: Modern Woman or Macho Man?

__________________________________________________

In the quest to become a more relaxed tanguera I started dancing more. Going to more milongas and working out steps at a few different practicas. Generally speaking during this time I've discovered there are two types of tangueros - - those that enjoy having a lady ask them to dance and others that don't.

My friend, Ms. Insider, is always a great source of information. She lets me know which men prefer to ask and which ones don't mind being asked. During one practica I spotted a gentleman that I wanted to dance with - - I enjoyed his style and his footwork was clean and precise. I mentioned my desire to dance with Mr. Unapproachable to Ms. Insider and she told me, "NO!! Don't ask him. He doesn't like women to ask him to dance. He will only dance with women that he asks."

Okay.... good to know....

Later on I found out there are tangueros that will place tangueras on a "no-dance" list if they have the audacity to approach them for dances. In my honest opinion I find this to be extremely arrogant. Punishing a tanguera for approaching them for a dance. Really? It's just a dance.... it's not like the ladies are asking for their credit cards, social security numbers and DNA mapping.

Then there are other men that find it extremely flattering to have a tanguera approach them and ask them for a dance. Miss Meow frequently asks her partners for dances and one gentleman told me the first time she asked him he was extremely flattered.

So have at it - - Do you think it's acceptable for a tanguera to ask a gentleman for a dance (Modern Woman) or should we leave the asking to the men (Macho Man)?

Ciao,

Pantina

Gurlfriends

2009-07-30T07:39:00.006-04:00

Even though I’m an adult it’s amazing how some childhood habits still remain. For example I'm still friends with my ‘gurls*’ from school. When a crisis hits it’s amazing how fast your ‘gurls’ come in to back you up. Growing up if you were going to be ‘jumped’ after school your ‘gurls’ would be by your side with their tennis shoes on, earrings off, and Vaseline on their faces ready to do some damage to the disrespectful heifer that tried to take you down.

As we got older our tennis shoes were put aside for high heels, we traded in our Vaseline for anti-aging moisturizer and our fighting days are long behind us (unless you count kickboxing at the gym). However, we can still whip our earrings off in a moment’s notice if we sense danger. If you ever saw "Star Wars" think of it as an ‘urban’ use of the force. In other words - - If Luke Skywalker had an African American half sister. He would reach for his light saber when he sensed danger. Luke’s 'sister' would go for her earrings.

I really need to lay off the sci-fi

One night I was talking to one of my best girlfriends, Ms. Anti-Tango. She’s a sister to me in so many ways and she has absolutely no interest in tango. She said,"Why are you home on a Saturday night? Don’t you usually go out tango dancing ?" I told her about my latest series of experiences on the hardwood. She listened quietly and asked a simple question - - "Do you want my honest opinion?"

When your gurlfriend asks you if you want her honest opinion take a moment and think before you give your answer because she will deliver her honest opinion.

I said, "yes"

I swear I could hear her taking off her earrings before she started talking.

She said, "Listen you chose a hobby where the men are bite sized. You would never take the time to speak to any of these birdie-chested, slightly built men over coffee why are you letting it get to you that ‘they don’t ask you to dance’. (Expletive deleted) Of course they won’t ask you to dance! At 6’2" built like a brick house they can’t handle that ‘truth’. Brush your shoulders off, put your big girl panties on and accept the fact that you are the baddest b@#$% on two feet even if they choose not to recognize it. Men like that want to dance with the youngest, cutest thing they can get their little hands on. You’re grown & sexy! They don’t want grown & sexy. They want young and tender. Deal with it or move on.

So when are we going out for drinks?"

Earrings back on.

Okay leave it to a gurlfriend to give you a fresh perspective.

Cultural Terms Defined:

Gurl - Better than a girlfriend and closer than a sister. A gurl will Have supreme security clearance in your life’s events.

Earrings off - Growing up whenever got into a fight someone the first thing you did was take your earrings off to prevent your opponent from snatching them off and tearing your earlobes. As a result of this conditioning the first thing you do when you get angry (and you're close to telling someone off) is take off your earrings. Your opponent instantly knows they are crossed a line and the tone of the conversation has changed…. For an example of the use in context listen to Jill Scott’s Song, “Getting in the Way”

Grown - An adult woman in the 30-something - 40-something age bracket. Not yet a cougar.

Grown & Sexy - a confident, successful, stylish, independent woman in her 30s & 40s (and beyond).

Sitting & Smiling

2009-07-24T07:50:00.005-04:00

I remember the first time I went to a Jamaican dancehall. I was home from college for the weekend hanging out with my cousin. He loved reggae music so he offered to take me to one of his favorite clubs. As soon as we walked in he was on the floor and dancing. I was doing a stellar imitation of a wallflower. Since I didn’t know how to dance to reggae music I was woefully out of my depth.

Thanks cuz….

As I looked for someplace to sit down (and secretly plan how I was going to get my cousin back for abandoning me) a gentleman came up to me. He was about 5’5” and he said, “Gurl, I like your size. Dance wit me.” I didn’t have a chance to explain that I didn’t know HOW to dance to reggae music. The next thing I knew I was on the floor figuring things out. I never had a chance to find a chair to sit on. When I would finish dancing with one person another gentleman would take my hand and lead me back to the floor. By the end of the night I danced with so many people that my hair was flat to my head, I was drenched in sweat, and the soles of my shoes were sticky from spilled rum punch.

Ahh…. West Indian men….

They love me and I love them.

I wished they all knew how to tango.

I can’t tell you how many milongas I’ve gone to where I’ve had the S&S Experience. (*S&S – sit and smile). Oh, people tell you that you need to earn your milonga miles and they encourage you to ‘sit, smile and wait it out’ until someone asks you to dance. By the end of the night my pride is chaffing from the rejection and I’m ready to throw my NeoTangos out the nearest window (or at the nearest tanguero).

I’ve tried doing my S&S duties a few ways: by myself and sitting with friends. Both are difficult. If I go sit by myself I feel like the grinning idiot as I wait and collect dust until some brave tanguero asks me to dance. (I won’t ask a stranger to dance. I’ve been brutally dissed by too many men that I’ve attempted to ask for a dance.) If I wait with friends I get frustrated as inevitably they are snatched up one after another and escorted to the dancefloor. We can be mid-conversation and most men don’t say, “excuse me”. They come up and just ask, “Would you like to dance?” or they will stick their hand in between us and offer it to my friend. It’s always an awkward moment - - do you leave your wallflower tanguera friend that you were just speaking with to go dance with a complete stranger after he interrupts a conversation? Tango has beaten me down so much that I ignore the social impoliteness of the moment and let it go.

It’s tango.

It’s New York.

It's tango IN New York..........What was I expecting?

Usually there’s a point in the evening when I reach a maximum saturation point. My ‘rejection’ meter is full and I just can’t take it any longer. I recently read a post by another blogger encouraging tangueras to stick it out until the end of a milonga (see: Sticking it out to the end). I confess I haven’t gotten there yet, my endurance is still too low. It’s similar to running. You don’t wake up one morning and say, “I’m running the NYC marathon today.” And go do it. It takes training. I’m comparing my S&S experiences to endurance training. It takes awhile before your skin is thick enough to sit in a room and just wait and watch.

Sometimes as I’m sitting (or standing or leaning) I think about my dancehall experiences. After that night I became a very good reggae dancer. I remind myself, “Not all dance forms are this cruel and demoralizing.” And I smile and go back to waiting and watching.

Sitting and smiling.

Follow Up to Milonga Decisions: Angels & Devils

2009-07-23T07:05:00.004-04:00

Earlier this month I wrote a post called "Milonga Decisions: Angels & Devils" (see: Milonga Decisions: Angels & Devils) at the time I purposely omitted how I responded to the gentleman's second-hand asking.

A few people have asked how I responded and I took the hybrid approach. Since I knew the gentleman from class I knew I could get away with being brutally honest, however, I also knew I needed to earn my 'hardwood street cred' at the new milonga.

This was my response:

"Although it is thrilling to be 'second choice' (pause insert ::eye roll::) sure let's dance."

Why did I say yes? Two reasons 1) I wanted to dance and 2) I needed the practice. Since I don't have a regular partner I look at every opportunity to dance as a potential advertisement for a partner. I'm hopeful one day I will (finally) meet a lead that is available for regular practices.

Until then I have to kiss a lot of frogs until I find my tanguero prince.

Smooches,

Pantina

If {Time=Tango Studies= Money} therefore {Time=Money}

2009-07-22T19:56:00.003-04:00

Here are the results from last week's poll - - How Would You Define the Role of a Milonga Host?

Provide the Venue & the DJ 93% Meet & Greet Guests 75%

Provide the Entertainment 43% Mingle with New Comers 68%

Networking 31% Provide Refreshments 50%

Other 6%

I've been to milongas where the hosts were dynamic. They made an effort to meet and greet people, mingle with new comers, refreshed the snacks and beverage selections regularly, ensured the bathrooms were clean, scheduled birthday dances, hand picked the DJs, etc. Then I've been to milongas where the host just 'phoned it in'. Yes, they were named as the 'host' but they did nothing host worthy.... I prefer the former over the later. It's a lot of work but the results can turn an ordinary night into a magical one.

_________________________________________________________

This week's poll question is based on the transitive property with a Tango Twist....

One of my good friends is a mathematician so I'm used to his math discussions and I think I remember the transitive property (hopefully he will never see this blog entry otherwise I will be in for an elaborate lecture about the purity of mathematics).

Here's the question for this week's poll - - If you took the time that you spent studying tango and converted it to money how much 'money/time' do you think you've spent over the last year? You can estimate the dollar values based on the communities where you dance but the hours spent studying and dancing can give you a great idea where you stand in the poll.

Ciao,

Pantina

***This includes time spent at milongas & practicas

Mistaken Identity

2009-07-22T19:13:00.003-04:00

There’s a saying that everyone has a twin somewhere. Well apparently I have found my long-lost twin - - Miss Gold Star.

I was at a practica this weekend and I spotted a lead who was 6’4”. I hadn’t seen him take a single step but I wanted to dance with him. As I walked over to him he caught my eye and started smiling. I thought to myself, “Wow, he’s really friendly.”

I said, “Hi” and as I was about to introduce myself he reached out for my hand and said, “Oh my goodness. I have been looking for you ever since we first danced together. Where have you be hiding out?”

Oh boy…. I’m terrible with names but I never forget a face or a person’s story. As he spoke to me I was mentally going through my memories trying to knock something loose. I could not remember this man and apparently he knew me...

He then said, “I’m sorry I can’t remember your name was it Ms. Golden Compass or Miss Gold Star.”

I looked at him and said, “Neither. Miss Gold Star is my friend. My name is Pantina.”

WOW! You two look so much alike.....

Actually no. We don't.

Yes we are both tall and are similar complexions but everything else is different she wears her hair straight and my hair is uber-curly. I'm very flattered though... Miss Gold Star is several years younger than me (yeah antioxidants and moisturizers).

I said, “Yes, I’m often mistaken for her. Would you still like to dance?”

After the dance I sat down to survey the floor. A gentleman walked over to me and he asked me to dance. When I said yes he replied, "Really!! You never dance with me anymore."

Oh boy..... Seriously..... Two at the same practica?

If this keeps up I am going to have to get t-shirts made.... "Hi! I'm Pantina. Miss Gold Star is To My Left."

Ciao,

Pantina

Introducing.... Miss Stiletto

2009-07-11T09:19:00.005-04:00

Here's another member of the Tango Cohort.... Miss Stiletto.

An experienced dancer with feet (and a shoe collection) to die for. She's a grounded and responsive follow and a joy to watch.

Milonga Decisions: Angels & Devils

2009-07-11T08:58:00.006-04:00

Have you ever seen a cartoon and the character had a decision to make and an 'angel' pops up on one shoulder and a 'devil' pops up on the other. Both are offering their versions of solutions and the character needs to choose?

Well, that happened to me at a milonga........

It was my first time at this milonga and I only knew the people that I came with so I really didn't expect to dance the night away but I was excited to watch other people dancing. It was like I had tapped into another aspect of the tango community. Most of these dancers were new to me.

Towards the end of the night I was getting restless and I wanted to stretch my legs. I was sitting at a table with Miss Gold Star (on my left), Miss Stiletto (on my right), and Mr. Italia (new to the blog). A gentleman from our studio's advanced workshop came over to Miss Gold Star and asked her to dance. She politely declined. Instead of walking away. He shifted his gaze to me and asked, "Would YOU like to dance?"

decisions.... decisions.....

Did I want to dance?

Yes, I had enough of watching....

Did I want to be the 'milonga pass over choice'?

No, not particularly.....

This is when the 'angel' and the 'devil' came into play....

Angel's Response: "Sure I would love to dance! I'm so happy that you were considerate enough to ask me and not immediately walk away. Let's go have an amazing tanda!"

Devil's Response: "As thrilling as it is to be a 'second choice' I think I will sit this one out too. Thanks."

How would you respond?

Ciao,

Pantina

Update from the Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles

2009-07-10T11:44:00.003-04:00

It's now a total of 36 pounds. Only 9 more to go before I can go into straight maintenance. It's a little frustrating right now because it's become a battle of ounces instead of pounds. Hearing you lost .5 pounds isn't as rewarding as hearing you lost three pounds, however, slow and steady is the way to go but staying motivated (and focused) is the tricky part. I've started journaling not only my food intake but also my exercise. That way I can see if I've begun to slack off in an area and more importantly remind myself not to be overly critical if I lost less than a pound in a week or more. The only thing left to do is battle it out.

Ironically I've been putting off buying new clothes. I wanted to wait until I lost the balance of the weight so I would have an idea of what my 'revised' size would be in women's clothing. I looked at my budget and thought, "Hmm... maybe I will reward myself with a pair of tango shoes instead"

I was talking to a non-tango friend that I consider to be a sister. I mentioned my desire for a new pair of Comme il Fauts and she stopped talking. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "Your clothes are falling off your body and all you can THINK about are tango shoes? You can't even wear them in the street!! BUY SOME NEW CLOTHES!! NOW!!"

Thank GOD for your non-tango friends.

I mean she has a point. When you can put on your jeans WITHOUT unbuttoning them it's time to go shopping.

Ciao,

Pantina

Tango Infidelity - Tango Mistress, Jump-Offs, & BS

2009-07-09T07:03:00.007-04:00

Although I'm only identified by my tango footwear there is something else that readily identifies me - - a head full of black curly hair. On a good day it looks amazing on a bad day the best thing I can say about it is that it has a lot of 'energy'.

One morning after fighting my hair to submit to the authority of super-hold hair gel (and losing the battle) I realized I needed a trim and shape up. I called my hairdresser but he was completely booked and going on vacation .

Since I had no desire to go around town looking like the love child between Marge Simpson & Don King I asked a friend for the name and number of her stylist. Although our hair textures aren't similar I knew her stylist always did an excellent job on her hair. I went to my appointment and got my hair trimmed. Okay, it wasn't perfect (the woman was a little overwhelmed by the volume of my hair) but at least the split ends were gone and now I could fix my hair in the morning with a minimum of fuss.

Weeks pass and it's time for another trim. I call my hair care professional and make an appointment. He sits me in the chair, parts my hair and stops. He looks me in the eye and says, "You've been unfaithful."

What???!!! Me?? I don't know what your talking about.......

I said, "It meant nothing! You are the only stylist that matters to me!"

This brings me to my random thought - - Tango Infidelity.

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I've noticed the committed dance relationships in our community but recently I've noticed another relationship dynamic - - tango infidelity. In an earlier post I wrote about tango husbands, boyfriends and one night stands (see: Tango Husbands, Boyfriends and One-Night Stands). This tango infidelity post springs from those relationships.

So here are a few new titles to add to the tango relationship list.

Tango Mistress: When a tango husband's wife is not available to attend a milonga he can always pick up his tango mistress. The tango mistress may be a former partner that he no longer dances with since 'marrying' his wife or someone that he recently met that he shares a similar chemistry and dance style with. The tango mistress is a skillful follower and incredibly discreet. She knows the Tango Husband 'married' to another partner and only wants to dance for the evening. She won't stalk the straying Tango Husband from milonga to milonga or demand a commitment. She will accept the moment as the moment and then move on.

Tango 'Jump Off': On the surface the Tango Mistress and the Tango Jump Off appear to be the same. The Tango Mistress and the Tango Jump Off both know that the straying Tango Husband is otherwise committed. However, where the Tango Mistress will look at the dancing as a dance that occurred in an evening. The Tango Jump Off is a little more possessive she wants to replace the Tango Wife.

Tango BS (Boyfriend Stealer): Her theme song is "If That's Your Boyfriend (He Wasn't Last Night)". This chick will intercept a cabecco, grab the arm of your partner and ask for a dance, will attempt to hijack your partner for a 'multiple tanda' experience and babysit an unsuspecting lead if he initially rejects her proposition. Oh, this heifer is the social butterfly of the hardwood but all the tangueras that know her antics want to break her CiFs and put runs in her fishnets.

You've got to love the drama that takes place on the hardwood. It's all a part of the fun and experience.

Ciao,

Pantina

P.S. For people not familiar with Me'Shell NdegeOcello's Song "If That's Your Boyfriend (He Wasn't Last Night)" here's a sample of the lyrics.

You say that's your boyfriend
You say I'm out of line
Funny… he said I could call him up anytime
You can say I'm wrong say I ain't right
But if that's you boyfriend he wasn't last night

Now I'm the kind of woman
I'll do almost anything to get what I want
I might play any little game
Call me what you like but you know it's true
You're just jealous 'cause he wasn't with you
Don't mean no harm I just like what I see
And it ain't my fault if he wants me
Got what I wanted and the feeling was right
So if that's your boyfriend he wasn't last night!!!

Poll of the Week - - A Host is a Host

2009-07-03T06:00:00.005-04:00

Here are the results from last week's poll - - do you wear cologne / perfume to milongas.

Yes, it's a part of my grooming ritual. 66%

No. It's not necessary. A shower is enough 33%

Although I don't like smelling like several different colognes at the end of the night I have to admit there are some tangueros that I adore dancing with not only because they lead well but they also smell like heaven.......

Pasha by Cartier, Envy by Gucci, and Paradise by Alfred Sung...... ::sigh::

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I plan my week's tango activities around the tango on-line event schedules - - www.knowtango.com and www.newyorktango.com. These two sites give me a clear idea of what milongas, practicas, and special workshops are scheduled to occur during the week and I can decide which ones I plan to attend.

Since I've been dancing for almost a year now I recognize the names of the popular DJs and have a preference for certain milongas. However there is something that I just started paying closer attention to - - the host/hostess.

When I host a party for my friends I'm as close to a lunatic as possible in the pre-party phase. Project plans are written and revised (sue me - - I love to plan!) and I work to ensure that every 'i' is dotted and 't' is crossed. Drinks, music, atmosphere, food, decorations, everything that can be accounted for is handled in advance. When the party day arrives all I have to do is work the plan (allowing extra time for unplanned mishaps) and free myself to greet, mingle, and ensure that people are having a good time.

I've been to enough milongas to see that the host's role varies depending on the venue. Some hosts just lend their name to the event, others make announcements and teach a class, then there are some hosts that mix and mingle with the tangueros/as in the room, etc. etc. The roles and methods are different but they are all called hosts.

Here's the poll of the week question - - how would you define the host's role at a milonga?

Two More Fallen Soldiers....

2009-06-27T23:44:00.004-04:00

June has not been a good month for tanguera longevity...

We just lost two more tangueras!! The complaints are the same - - no one to dance with at milongas, the cruel NYC tango scene, the time & money investment in the dance, cliques, a desire to have a non-tango social life, etc. etc.

I can't judge them too harshly. I am a tanguera that gets 'mixed' acceptance at milongas. Some milongas love me, other milongas are an exercise in futility. I know first hand what it feels like to get all 'prettied up' to dance the night away and find yourself sitting all-night long wishing you were at home in PJs with comfortable slippers.

There are a few milongas around town that I've learned to avoid. I know when I go I won't be asked to dance and when I ask someone I can expect to be treated coldly. As my friends (and teachers) drop out of tango I can't help but wonder, "Will I be next?"

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of Week - - A Rose By Any Other Name

2009-06-26T07:15:00.008-04:00

Here are the results from the previous poll - - Which tango element is essential for a tanguero/a to master?

It's all in THE WALK 44%

BALANCE is the Key! 27%

CONTRA-BODY ROTATION is essential for success. 0%

AXIS control 16%

Other 11%

back to the walking drills for me....... ::sigh::

________________________________________________________

When I started tango (and this blog) I was obsessed by fragrance. I gave nicknames based on fragrance (Mr. H&IS, Mr. Pine) and wrote posts (see: Fragrance Remarks, The Power of Fragrance..., and Fragrance Update) about different perfumes I preferred and male colognes I sampled. When I went to a milonga, practica, class, any tango environment I was groomed from head-to-toe and ALWAYS wore a perfume.

Fast forward a few months...

I've retired perfume from my pre-milonga grooming routine. I changed my fragrance attitude after one milonga when I experienced a super tango blessing - - I danced all night with a variety of leads! It was great but by the time I took a break to rest my feet I noticed my perfume had been overpowered and I now wore a mix of several men's fragrances.

And it didn't smell pleasant...........

eeeewwwww........

Here's the Poll of the Week Question - - Do you wear perfume / cologne to milongas?

Ciao,

Pantina

You Suck!

2009-06-25T06:51:00.004-04:00

I don't know about you but sometimes (even though I love tango) it frustrates me. I've been working with Mr. Vanquish for awhile now and I feel like I've begun to plateau. Why, because for the last month he has drilled me on "the walk". He's given homework exercises for me to work on developing my muscular memory and technique. Each time I think I've got it and every time I'm reviewed there's another correction and a new bad habit to fix.

Being an overachiever in tango doesn't help

During one lesson I wasn't particularly upbeat. I had a terrible week at work, I was exhausted from double shifts, and other stresses were getting to me. I greeted him with a cool smile and said, "I'm so sorry I'm in a foul mood. I'm really not looking forward to another 'pick apart the walk' walking class."

Actually my language was a bit more colorful.......

"I'm so sorry I'm in a foul mood today."

Mr. Vanquish, "That's okay it happens. Are you ready to work?'

Colorful reply, "Not the %$!@ walking exercise again."

He looked up at me and laughed. Once he started laughing I started and we were both doubled over at my uncharacteristic response.

After we composed ourselves he asked, "How long have you been dancing?"

I said, "Since August 2008."

His reply was perfect,

"Okay so you're still a beginner so understand this simple fact - - You Suck. Most likely you've been comparing yourself against some of the best dancers in the area and on YouTube. Those women have been dancing for YEARS and compared to them you do suck. But I've never asked you to compare yourself to those dancers only to improve yourself. You can't force tango and being an overachiever doesn't help you master it any faster."

SPLASH!!! Cold water to the face!!

Thanks for the reality check.

Back to the drills.

Ciao,

Pantina

Your First Time.....

2009-06-22T20:39:00.009-04:00

I've been playing with this post for about seven months and I finally decided to type it out.

When I started attending milongas (and stopped looking at fellow tangueras as competition) I started to get to know some of the most amazing women in the tango community. The more experienced dancers took me under their wings gave me guidance, insight and encouragement. The one topic that every tanguera would get starry eyed about was when they 'experienced an amazing connection' with a particular partner or experiencing 'tango zen' with a certain tanguero. I would ask them what it felt like and they would smile a little knowing smile and say, "I can't explain it but you'll know it when you feel it."

Okay you can't be any more cryptic than that......

Then one evening a gentleman asked me to dance and we immediately connected. We moved together, breathed together, and it was the first time I didn't think about the movement it just happened. Embellishments were fluid, adornos fit easily and weren't over done. Everything moved but stood still. After our third consecutive tanda I understood what happened.

I had my first tango-gasm*.

Pantina Tango Terminology

Tango-gasm defined: When a tanguera experiences an amazing connection with a partner that leaves her undone, breathless, and wanting more at the end of the tanda.

After I sat down I immediately added that tanguero to my 'look for him at EVERY milonga list'. And I understood why the more experienced tangueras would smile slyly and couldn't explain what IT felt like. It would be like describing an orgasm to a virgin. Words fall short.... only the experience can define the term.

Up until that dance tango was just a series of steps and pivots. I hadn't experienced connection and embrace. After that dance I came into my own as a tanguera....

Hallmark didn't even make a card for that moment.

Ciao,

Pantina

Fallen Tanguera....

2009-06-21T22:45:00.003-04:00

I heard some upsetting news this week - - one of my tango mentors is leaving tango.... She's been very unhappy with the tango scene for awhile now and she's decided to walk away...

I still can't believe it.

My tango mentor was responsible for encouraging me to go to practicas, to ask people to dance, she taught me how to ocho and now she's walking away from tango with her CiFs in hand.

::stunned::

Now I'm wondering... If SHE can walk away with her extensive experience and talent - - (BsAs trips, West Coast dance experience, NYC dance experience) anyone can...

This departure has caused me to evaluate my relationship with tango. I don't plan on leaving the dance I've come to love, but, I want to make sure that I'm able to keep my tango love fresh & new.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - - Back to Basics

2009-06-13T10:07:00.004-04:00

During the internet tech boom era when EVERYONE had surplus cash I had a personal trainer. He was a world champion sprint cyclist and he taught Spin and personal training during his off season to keep fit.

We started training together and after a few unsuccessful attempts of trying to kill me with MONSTER workouts we became friends. I went to see him race one day and was amazed at his speed on the track. I asked him, "How can you pedal so fast?" He said, "You have to go slow in order to go fast. It's all about the fundamentals."

__________________________________________________________

Fast forward a few years....

Now I'm in tango and when I saw my first live performance I was blown away by the lifts, the volcadas, hangs, lunges, and flashy footwork. I wanted to learn how to do all of it (well, minus the lifts part - - I have trust issues). Whenever I had an opportunity to talk to dancers about these moves they would always minimize them and say things like:

Yes, but if only I could (insert one of the following phrases):

a) fix my walk.

b) hold my axis better.

c) improve my balance.

d) improve my contra-body rotation.

e) fix my alignment.

I looked at them like they were crazy. I couldn't see a thing wrong with anything that they just mentioned. I wanted to know why they were obsessed with majoring on the minors. They had their steps down... Isn't that what mattered most???

Fast forward a few months in tango time.....

As I got deeper into tango and started taking multiple classes a week, focusing on technique, taking private lessons and saw videos of my dancing ::shivers:: I realized my walk sucked. (Aacckk!! I've become a tango perfectionist!!!)

As I began practicing walking drills, balance exercises, embellishment drills, and footwork drills the words of my former personal trainer came to mind. "It's all in the fundamentals."

So here's the poll of the week question - - stripping down all the 'sexy' moves from tango which fundamental element do you think is essential for a tanguero/a to master. You can only choose one.

Ciao,

Pantina

Wipe Out....

2009-06-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

Well, it's finally happened....

I fell at a milonga. ::sigh::

There's a lead who is a "Michael Jordan" of the NYC tango scene. Well, I've watched Mr. MJ dance for months and never considered asking him to dance. I was too intimidated. Then one day the stars were aligned just right, we struck up a conversation and an alternative tanda came on.

I LOVE alternative music!

I almost leaped out of my shoes I was so excited. He said, "Well, what are we waiting for?" and he held out his hand for a dance. I was in heaven!! Everything was going great until the third song in the tanda. We were dancing by a line of benches and a woman was sitting near the dance floor with her legs crossed. She was 'patting' her leg in and out while she sat watching the dancing. When my partner lead a leg wrap. My shoe connected and locked with the woman's shoe and when my partner went to shift my weight

**SPLAT**

It happened so fast I was stunned. I managed to keep my abs tight so my head didn't hit the floor. I landed square on my right butt cheek.....

OHH!! THE HORROR!!

OUCH!! THE PAIN!!!

My partner reached down for me and asked what happened. As the lady and I worked to disengage our shoes. She apologized profusely and ran off the floor.

As he helped me up he apologized for not catching me. And I was still in a bit of a daze.

I finished out the tanda with him because I know at this milonga he is king. Any mistakes would automatically be put on me. And besides it was a freak accident... Up until the fall we were having a great dance.

I guess the stars weren't aligned right... Mercury was definitely in retrograde...

Ciao,

Pantina

Update from the Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles

2009-06-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

Here's another update from the Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles.

As of today I am down 34 pounds.

I still can't believe it.

It hit me when I went shopping last weekend. I saw a denim pencil skirt and was upset because the largest size they had was a 12. Up to this point I have been wearing a Size 14. I loved the skirt so much I decided to try it on.

The Size 12 was too large so I asked for a Size 10.

The Size 10 was too large so I asked for a Size 8.

The Size 8 was too tight!!

But this experiment gave me insight into what sizes I should be shopping for when I go out.

Right now I'm on a mission to find a capri pants for practice, dresses for milongas and a pair of jeans that fit well.

I've also started resistance training again to whip my arms and abs into a more firm condition.

I'll keep you posted! I've been toying with the idea of posting a before and after picture on the site.

Ciao,

Pantina

Travel Plans for 2010

2009-06-11T10:09:00.002-04:00

I am a compulsive planner....

I LOVE to plan!!!

Plan A, Plan B, Plan A-B, Plan A/B, Plan A raised to the B

It's all wonderful to me.

So now I'm starting my 2010 vacation fund and I'm looking at my travel options.

1. San Francisco - OH the dream trip - - A week of lessons with Homer & Cristina. Another week of classes with Ney & Jennifer. With milongas and practicas every night! Throw in some sight seeing and I would be a happy tanguera. Or maybe Nora's Tango Week..... hmmmm....

2. BsAs - More intimidating. I need to pick up some Spanish before I go. I hate being the American tourist that needs to point and pray that someone speaks english. I have no idea where I would go or who I would like to study with. The main thing on my agenda so far would be shopping....

Can anyone say Comme il Faut? Neo Tango? Victorios? CUSTOM MADE SHOES??!!!

It would be ready, set, GO!!!! I will definitely need to bring an empty bag with with me.

Any suggestions for possible apartments, teachers & milongas for a compulsive planner & budgeter?

Ciao,

Pantina

Sticky Questions

2009-06-10T13:16:00.002-04:00

Any man that has had any type of relationship with a woman knows there are certain questions you can not (and should not) answer…

For example, “Do I look fat in this outfit?”

Once my mother asked my father this question and his response went down in history as the WORST reply ever to give a woman… The conversation went something like this:

Wife, “Honey, do I look fat in this dress?”

Husband, “Yes, but you look fat in everything. You’ve gained about 20 pounds.”

Needless to say his response wasn't greeted warmly... He would've been better off going off topic than handling that sticky question.

I’ve noticed that tango has similar Sticky Questions, however the question that makes a tanguero / tanguera cringe isn't, “Does my butt look big in these jeans?”

The question happens at the end of a song in a tanda with a partner. Your partner will open the embrace, look you in your eyes and ask - -

“How long have you been dancing?”

It's like nails on a blackboard.

There are several ways to respond to this question:

1. The knee-jerk reaction, "Why are you asking?" translation - You're about to enter dangerous territory... tread lightly.

2. The politician response, "That's an interesting question. Tango is such an intricate dance and difficult to master." blah. blah. blah. translation - I'm not answering your question.

3. The novice response, "About 11 months now." translation - I couldn't think of anything wittier to say so I'm responding with the truth.

4. My friend, Miss Gold Star, has the best response. She'll look at her watch and say, "About 20 minutes now." translation - I'm being coy because I'm not answering your question.

I've noticed that beginners ask the question out of curiosity and the desire to make small talk between songs. Some more experienced dancers are trying to conduct a tango experience interview on the floor.

Acceptable at a practica / Not so at a milonga

I'm guilty of making this mistake in my tango infancy, fortunately, the leaders I asked the question to knew it was my naiveté and inexperience. It was obvious after dancing with me that I was a rookie so the question came from a place of admiration (and sometimes awe).

Now when I dance with someone and they take my breath away I let my smiles (and sometimes giggles) speak for me and I let them know how much I enjoyed the dance.

No questions asked.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - - Leading Ladies

2009-06-06T09:27:00.007-04:00

Here are the results from the last Poll of the Week - - Do You Think It's Necessary to Continue taking Classes?

Yes - 84% / No - 15%

Dance Studios and Festival Organizers are overjoyed by this result! =)

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At Studio X there is an unwritten rule - - as you progress as a dancer you will have to learn how to dance in the opposite role. It's not uncommon to see intermediate leads struggling with following and intermediate followers fighting through learning how to lead. Often by the end of class a feeling of empathy and understanding is overwhelming as we laugh at our mistakes.

When our Instructor found out I didn't like dancing to milonga her solution was to have me learn how to lead it. As you know I fought her on this point but I gave myself over to it and now I really like leading milonga (more so than leading tango). There's a playfulness in the music that I like to explore and the faster pace gives me an opportunity to interpret the music in new ways.

One day my Tango Jedi Master came to a practica where I was working on my milonga leading skills. He's an older gentleman with years of experience, a gentle soul and an eye for technique. After my milonga tanda was over he came over to me and gave me a 'pat on the back' and offered encouragement and instruction. He also gave me a word of advice he said, "Be judicious about leading at milongas. I'm not saying don't do it but be discerning about it."

I looked at him like he was saying, "Luke I Am Your Father."

Okay you caught me - - I LOVE STAR WARS!

I (of course) said, "Okay, but why?" He went on to describe the social dynamics on the dance floor and said some men will assume when they see you leading women regularly that you're a lesbian and / or you don't like dancing with men. He went on to tell me that he's known women that started leading at milongas and found themselves pigeon-holed in that role.

Ohh........ This is a dynamic I hadn't even considered. My leading is limited to milonga so I can't imagine leading all night long. Besides, although I love dancing with men if there aren't enough men around I'd rather dance with a great woman leader than sit all night long.

So here's the Poll of the Week question - - What Do You Think of Tangueras Leading at Milongas? The question is so broad that I couldn't limit the response to check boxes this week.

Feel free to write in and share your thoughts.

Ciao,

Pantina

The Time Has Come to Say Goodbye - - Shoes for Sale

2009-06-04T07:26:00.006-04:00

Anyone who knows me (or has seen me shoe shopping) knows that I adore high heels. Even at 5'11" I still love to wear 3-inch heels. I can work, walk, even run in them with no problems at all. Until recently I thought I could dance in them too....

well, I discovered not so much.....

I've had the opportunity to dance with some really amazing leads at different practicas whose tango experience blew me out the water. The overwhelming response to my dancing was, "You're dancing very well but you need to hold your own axis more consistently."

What? Have I become a 'T.O.P Tanguera'.

A 'T.O.P. (aka) Tower of Pisa Tanguera' defined is a tanguera that compulsively leans on her partner for balance and counterbalance.

I continued to attend practicas to work out this new kink in my technique. One day I forgot my usual stillettos and put on my lower heels. My partners were amazed. They commented on my improvement and encouraged me to keep up the good work. I found the source of my issue. Even though I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan in 3-inch shoes my technique suffers when I wear a higher heel.

I discussed this discovery with my instructor and I came to the conclusion that I should stay low until I have the necessary ankle and foot strength to hold my axis consistently in a higher heel.

::sigh::

As a result I am selling a pair of my babies (opps, I meant shoes see:New Shoes!). These NeoTangos are a Size 41 and they have been lightly worn (I baby my shoes). They list for $170 USD but I'm asking $120 and the UPS 2-day shipping cost is included. If you're interested in giving them a new home please send me an email.

Until then I'll be in 6.5 cm working my way back up the ladder of sexy heels!

Ciao,

Pantina

Who Am I?

2009-06-03T21:53:00.004-04:00

I've always been a person that learned from experience. It's never enough just to tell me something - - I want to experience it for myself.

Lately I've been concentrating on different aspects of tango and what type of dancer I want to become. There are so many teachers and styles in the NYC area I wanted to get a flavor of a few so I can figure out what I liked, didn't like, what worked and what needed improvement.

Salon Tango - I love the embrace ::sigh::. The closeness and connection that you share with your partner can be exquisite. When you're moving with your partner it turns into a beautiful conversation. Once you 'breathe' your partner in you are free to explore the music and each other. Downside: The music. I like traditional tango music but I don't LOVE it (I feel like I'm blaspheming). Sometimes I think my head may explode if I hear another Hugo Diaz or Di Sarli tune. (just being honest)

Tango Nuevo - I love the music. It's edgy, fun and lively. Downside: It's so rare to dance tango nuevo with a caring, genuine lead. Usually I find myself being pushed and shoved around the floor. I don't feel connected to my partner; I feel like I am an extension of his choreography. There's no exchanging of ideas it's either follow his lead or get left.

Alternative Music - What can I say. I love it! LOVE IT!!! Currently I'm in search of two albums by a group called French Toast to add to my collection (Live from Chez Nous and In a French Cafe). No one in the states has these recordings they are only available in New Zealand... (now I have an excuse to go to the Pacific Rim). Alternative music is incredible to dance to because you're able to explode all the different melodies and moods. I have everything from Erykah Badu to Lhasa on my alternative play list and it's all good. Downside: some leads are intimidated by the musicality of dancing to alternative tunes.

Milonga - If you would have told me in the beginning of my tango journey that I would grow to love leading milonga I would have called you a liar. But now - - I love leading milonga! The music is fast and fun. Leading has helped me grow as a follower as well. I know the feeling of a smooth follow and I try to recreate that feeling that when I follow. My walking has improved and my 'tango ear' has grown up. Downside: Try leading a milonga in 3-inch stilettos. It's hard to run off the floor, rip off your shoes, put on your sneakers and then complete a tanda!

To answer the question "Who Am I?" I would have to say that I am a blossoming tanguera that has a love for dancing salon, a passion for alternative music, a tolerance for traditional tango music, a curiosity about tango nueveo, and a drive to learn how to lead milonga well. Overall I strive to be technically correct while remaining focused and actively engaged with my lead (or follow).

In short I am Pantina, Tanguera in Training.

Ciao,

Pantina

P.S. Tanguera in Training - - I think that would make a great t-shirt!!!

New Year's Resolutions - Midyear Mark

2009-06-02T07:18:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it's June!!! Half the year is gone already..... wow... Time does fly!

Since it's the mid-year mark I decided to review my New Year's Resolutions (see:New Year's Resolutions - 2009 Edition) to see how I'm doing.

Tango Related Resolutions

1. Tango Shoes: Purchase no more than seven pairs of shoes this year. CASH ONLY!!

So far so good. I've only purchased three pairs....

2. Lessons: Learn how to milonga, stop running from tango nuevo, and master close embrace.

I've learned that you can NEVER master anything in tango but I have improved my close embrace dancing. I'm much more comfortable with milonga now (in fact I've started to lead it). Tango nuevo - - that is a work in progress (more about that in a separate post)

3. Privates: Take two privates a month (with or without a partner).

I'm still searching for a practice partner (I swear it's easier to get a date at a convention of priests than it is to find a dance partner ::growl::) but I'm still taking privates. I use them as a supplement to my group classes. I also enjoy them because I can fit the lesson into my schedule instead of working my schedule around the lesson.

4. Go to a tango festival.

DONE! Planning to go to a second one this summer.

5. Stretch each day - Goal: to get all my splits back.

Well, umm, let me explain....

Oh heck I confess I haven't done this in awhile. I stretch after a workout but daily stretching.... It's an area that needs improvement. Surprisingly you don't get your dancer's flexibility back by just writing down the stretching goal.

6. Cardio 5xs a week (min) - Goal: improved endurance and it just feels good!

Yeah. Okay. Right. A second area to work on. I've been doing this 2-3 times a week.

7. Tango a min. 3xs a week - Goal: socializing & learning

Done! I'm at Studio X so much I'm sure they'll give me my own roll away bed soon.

How are your New Year's Resolutions shaping up?

Ciao, Pantina

Return to the Land of the Living

2009-06-02T07:03:00.003-04:00

Sorry I've been away for awhile... Between working, tango, social life, volunteering, exercising, and too many late nights I finally hit the wall.

I was exhausted. My iron level was somewhere between low and "eat more spinach NOW!"

Everything ached and I couldn't move without pain. I had to take a break.

I'm feeling refreshed, renewed and ready to make a (slow) return to the dance floor.

Poll of the Week - - To Class Or Not To Class (That Is The Question)

2009-05-23T18:05:00.004-04:00

Here are the results from last week's poll - - Milonga Characteristics That You Look For:

Atmosphere - 71%

Crowd (old, young, mixed) - 67%

DJ - 64%

Floor Craft - 50%

Floor Quality - 28%

Free Offerings - 7%

Guest Performers - 14%

Host / Hostess - 10%

Pre-Milonga Class Instructor - 7%

Price - 25%

Music - 67%

Merchandise On-Sale on Site - 3%

Location - 67%

Time - 64%

Other - 14%

This was a lot to choose from! Thanks to everyone that voted.

_______________________________________________

Lately I've heard discussion from tangueros(as) regarding classes. On one side of the issue some tangueros(as) believe that classes are necessary for their personal growth and development as a dancer - - errors are corrected, boundaries are stretched, technique is fine-tuned, and there is the opportunity to learn new material. For this tanguero(a) the classroom / workshop environment is where they learn their skills that are later implemented on the milonga dance floor.

On the other side of the issue there are tanugeros(as) that have completely sworn off classes. Either from the firm belief that they have learned all they can from classes or for lack of a practice partners these tangueros(as) learn their tango through their experiences on the milonga dance floor.

So here's the poll of the week question - - do you think it's necessary to continue taking classes?

In other words -

To Class or Not To Class.

Ciao,

Pantina

Star Struck & Slack Jawed

2009-05-21T09:11:00.006-04:00

I was at Studio X’s milonga and in between tandas I was talking to my Cohort friends. When I looked up I saw him - - HOMER LADAS!!!

wha, Wha, WHAT!!!!!

The Instructor was sitting next to me and I said, “OMG! That’s Homer Ladas.” As she got up to greet him I began to battle between being star struck and trying to get Miss Parisian’s attention (she is a huge fan of Homer & Cristina also). When she came off the dance floor I whispered, “Look behind the column. Instructor is talking to Homer.”

She said, “No WAY!”

“Yes, way!”

Okay, how can two adult women revert back to jr. high so quickly?

Blame it on the tango….

As our Instructor and Homer started dancing members of the cohort sat mesmerized.

Watching them dance was a joy.

Watching us watching them slack jawed and star struck was entertaining….

Ms. Cocoa Caliente was completely unfazed by this surprise appearance of a tango great. She asked, “Why are you queening out? I thought you said Mr. Vanquish was the best.”

What? He is but you can't compare apples and oranges.

NOTE: This is a sign that I have been on a diet for awhile.

I just compared two world-class tangueros to food. I must be hungry.

No one from the Cohort danced with Homer (star struck is never a good first impression) but after watching him dance I firmed up my resolution to go to San Francisco next year to study (and experience) organic tango. (http://www.organictangosf.info/organic.htm)

Ciao,

Pantina

P.S. Here's a video of Homer & Cristina entitled, "What a Catch"

Tango Rugby

2009-05-20T07:08:00.006-04:00

Each month at Studio X the Instructor focuses on a different aspect of tango. This month her focus is on boleos. Last night's class was fun but it was a comedy of errors between Mr. H&IS and I.

First, he forgot to take his glasses off - - no big deal right? As we struggled to get the lead and follow right he stepped into my space and CLANG!!! Head-bunt with the metal frame glasses right over my right eyebrow. I stepped back laughing holding my eye (it surprised me more than it hurt) and he looked horrified. A rush of, "Are you alright?" and "I'm so sorries" immediately followed.

A guest instructor watching this unfold suggested that I wear a helmet next time.

I knew tango involved physical contact but this was too much.

As we continued through our paces he attempted to lead a contra-boleo, however, he cheated the lead and used his arms to crank it out... That's when I heard - - POP. CRACK!!! My right shoulder popped - - twice... This doesn't hurt but it sounds awful.... He stopped dancing and said, "OMG I broke you!!" I started laughing and told him I'm fine (after years of swimming and softball this shoulder pops all the time).

As the class ended we managed to step on each other's feet, I was knocked off my axis, and a poorly executed gauncho lead resulted in a nice kick to his shin. Fortunately none of this 'body contact' resulted in any physical harm. Mr. H&IS' ego, however, took a serious blow.

At the end of it all he apologized and said he didn't know what was wrong with his lead today. When disasters like this happen all at once my friend likes to say that "Mercury must be in retrograde." I don't know what that means but I can tell you we discovered a new sport - - tango rugby.

All Contact - - All the Time.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of The Week: Milonga Magnetism

2009-05-16T09:07:00.003-04:00

Here are the results of last week's poll - - How Low Can You Go? (i.e. what is the least amount of sleep that you need.)

Superhero Tango Star (0 hrs sleep) 3%

Cat Nap (1-2 hrs) 0%

Refresher Snooze (3-4 hrs) 27%

Recharger (5-6 hrs) 41%

Beauty Rest Special (7-8 hrs) 20%

I give a standing ovation to the Superhero Tango Stars out there - - I don't know how you do it!

________________________________________________

In NYC there're a variety of milongas that take place every night of the week. We're fortunate because we don't have to go hunting to find a place to tango - - we've been blessed with variety. But with variety comes decision making.

First there are the ultra-popular milongas: the Alternative milonga, La National, Tango Nocturne, El Embrujo, and The Meat Market milonga (it's name doesn't come from the dating scene - - it was once located in the meat market section of New York).

Then there are milongas that are marketed based on their time differences: the afternoon milongas, after-work milongas, and all-night milonga.

Then there're milongas that give you a two-for-one opportunity: traditional tango played in one room / tango nuevo & alternative played in another.

And just when you thought there couldn't be any more competition in the NYC milonga market here comes the private, by-invitation-only-ultra-exclusive milonga verses the FREE outdoor milongas.

decisions, decisions, decisions

Here's the poll of the week question - - with so many milongas to choose from how do YOU decide where you go like to go dancing?

***If you tango community doesn't offer as many choices as NYC simply choose the characteristics that you like in your local milongas.

Ciao,

Pantina

What Not To Wear: Milonga Edition

2009-05-12T16:57:00.005-04:00

Lately I've been shopping for new clothes - - the majority of the clothes I own are now too large for me to wear without the fear of them falling off. The first place I went shopping was in my attic. I usually don't throw clothes away so I hoped I would find something useful.

As I went through my clothing storage I found an entire bin full of clothing I thought I would never fit into again. It was like a fairy godmother dropped a treasure in my living room.

Among the items I found a tube top dress. A beautiful print that is fitted through the waist and hits right above the knee. It's colorful and playful and I thought, "Oh this would be perfect for a milonga!"

Then I thought, "Wait. A tube top... I'm not sure. Will it stay put?" I didn't want to risk any 'sudden exposure' to the NYC tango scene. Some things should remain a mystery. I decided to take a 'wait and see' attitude towards the dress.

One night my friend wore a tube top jumper to a milonga and after one tanda she came over to where I was sitting mortified.

"My top fell down!!"

OHHH... The HORROR!!

Her top had twisted around leaving her exposed (fortunately she wore a bra with the outfit). Her lead was trying to advert his eyes while she frantically adjusted her clothing trying to use his body as a shield.

I instantly made a note to myself that when I wear a tube top (or strapless dress) I need to either a) tape the dress up with fabric tape or b) don't wear it.

I'm adding the Tube Top to the "What Not to Wear: Milonga Edition" clothing list.

Can you think of any other ladies clothing that should be added to the "What Not to Wear" list?

Ciao,

Panina

Update from the Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles

2009-05-11T22:17:00.005-04:00

I'm now down at total of 29 pounds. The weight loss has slowed down a little but my friend (who's also a amateur body builder) suggested that I not only journal my foods very diligently but also participate in a different cardio / resistance workout schedule. He went on to explain muscle confusion and how the body can get used to doing the same workout repeatedly. So I started jumping rope and revamped my entire resistance workout.

Differences in Tango

The biggest difference I feel is that I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin while I'm dancing. There are still times when I struggle to see a difference but then I'll try on a pair of smaller jeans or attempt to wear a pair of old pants and I can really see the change.

While dancing some moves instantly remind me that there's less of me to love. For example, the other night I danced with an incredible lead at a milonga. At the end of the evening the dance floor was largely empty so we were able to play freely. We did gaunchos, big volcadas, and just had fun with the movement. Then he attempted to lead a fan lift. Since I had no idea what he was doing (and didn't understand the lead) I went stumbling. I thought to myself, "This is it. I'm going to be known as the girl that fell at the milonga." As I braced myself for impact he caught me with his free arm, apologized and said, "I'm sorry. I was trying to lead a fan lift and that was a terrible lead."

First point - - I lost enough weight that a lead I didn't know was trying to lift me.

Second point - - When the lead went south he caught me with one arm.

I may have to marry him.... ::just joking::

Ciao,

Pantina

P.S. Here's a quick view of what a fan lift is supposed to look like. The quality of the video is poor but Carina Moeller & Eduardo Goytia do great lifts together. They are a fun couple to watch. I wish they had more video.

Ah-Ha Moments - Resting Leads

2009-05-10T06:40:00.000-04:00

When I was an infant tanguera I was amazed to leads sitting around taking extended breaks. I used to wonder why are they resting for so long? They get to wear the comfortable shoes.

Ah-Ha Moment

Lately I've been helping out in classes and on one night I lead for three classes straight (a total of three hours - - no breaks). By the end of the night my brain is fried and I swear I can feel my hair growing. All I want to do is sit down, be still, have a glass of water and relax. But whenever I sit down a follow will come up to me and ask me to lead her.

Although I want to say, "No. I'm taking a break." I find myself getting up to dance. again.

Now I understand why the leads need a break. Even though their shoes are more comfortable, it's exhausting worrying about navigation, steps, energy, navigation, connection, embrace, navigation....

oh, did I mention navigation?

When I see a lead resting now I let him enjoy his moment of silence. He probably needs the break. When he's ready to dance again he'll make his intentions known.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - - How Low Can You Go?

2009-05-09T08:47:00.006-04:00

Here are the results from last week's poll - - Would you date someone you dance with?

Yes! If We Have Chemistry Why Ignore It? - 54%

No. Don't Ruin a Good Dance Partnership - 45 %

That was a close race. A big 'thank you' to everyone for their comments it was really good to hear from both sides of the fence.

_____________________________________________________

I am one of those annoying 'morning people'. Everyday without fail (and without an alarm clock) I wake up between 5:30 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. Not a weary, drooling, roll out of coma wake up. No I wake up with bright eyes and energy ready to conquer the world. I love to do EVERYTHING first thing in the morning! It's quiet, I'm rested and I feel ultra alert and ready to go.

The downside is that my morning Go, GO, GO has gone, gone, gone by 4:00 p.m. and by then I need a nap.

I once hosted a New Year's Eve party and my friends started a betting pool to guess if I would be able to make it past midnight..... I think my best friend walked away with the cash prize (I made it a little past 12:30 a.m.).

Now here comes tango.... I've amazed my family and friends with my new found ability to stay up late. You would think that this new up-graded, nocturnal, tango-edition Pantina would now have the ability to sleep late.....

not. so.

I STILL wake up every morning between 5:30 a.m. and 6:00 a.m.

Great if you're at a milonga!

A nightmare if you just came in from an all-night milonga and

you're trying to catch up on your beauty rest.

From tango I learned that least amount of sleep I can function on is about five hours. If I go under five hours my work, life and health suffer the consequences. Once at my job's weekly staff meeting my boss asked me if I had been dancing recently. I told her, "Yes, last night." Her response was, "I can always tell."

OUCH... note to self.

No milongas or late-night practicas

before the weekly staff meeting....

Here's the poll of the week question - - what is the LEAST amount of sleep you need. In other words - - how low can you go!

Ciao,

Pantina

Mission: Milonga

2009-05-08T22:51:00.004-04:00

Growing up in my neighborhood all the children played outside in the summer. We roller-skated, played stickball, kickball, and whatever games we could make up on the fly. But there was an unspoken rule - - it wasn't enough to be good at the chosen game you had to be good at 'trash talking'. Your skills may be weak but if you were a good enough trash talker you could gain respect just by using the quickness of your mind and wearing the right attitude.

In tango I had retired my trash talking attitude. I was so intimidated by the technique, the NYC dance scene, leads, the dance itself that I locked that lion up in the cage and threw away the key...

Well guess what....
I found the key,

kicked the cage door wide open and I'm ready to play.....

My new mission.......... milonga

I not only want to dance it as a follow.

I want to lead it.

I want to lead it well.

I want to lead it so well that I can lead it in heels.

(::insert finger snaps::)

Why did I decide to take a bit out of such a giant elephant?

It's a challenge and I like a challenge. And more importantly I'm tired of running from it.

Give me a few months and when you see a 6 foot tall woman with black curly hair leading a milonga just know you found me.

Ciao,
Pantina

Dancing With A Vanquish

2009-05-08T07:24:00.006-04:00

A few months back I wrote about a lead that comes to our studio that I nicknamed Mr. Vanquish (see: Cars & Leads). At the time I wrote that post I had never danced with him. My friends and I would admire his skills from afar and speculate about what it would be like to dance with Mr. Vanquish.

Now, I've had the experience of dancing with Mr. Vanquish and once you get over the shell shock it's a lot like driving a vanquish.

First of all a Vanquish isn't a flashy, showy car. An Aston Martin Vanquish's elegance is in it's lines and rests in the fact that all of it's power is under the hood (V-12 engine).

A vanquish-like dancer with give you one of the best dances of your evening - - smooth, focused, connected and masterfully navigated (no running into other couples or inanimate objects). You are free to relax and enjoy the movement and the moment.

The draw back of driving (or dancing) with a Vanquish you need to have good core technique. The car has a powerful engine (V-12) and it won't stay in first, second, or even third gear long and neither will the dancer. If your balance is faulty, if you aren't holding your axis, or if your follow isn't connected you run the risk of being run over.

Oh he'll start off with a basic walk, cross, and ocho cortado (first gear); then take you into some nice pivots, displacements and steps with advanced musicality (second gear); then you might go into a few boleos, sacadas, (third gear); if you can keep up with those easily you'll find yourself off your axis and mixed up into some advanced moves that I don't even have the tango vocabulary to express. I've only gotten to experience the beginning of the third gear but I'm wondering what else is in his bag of tricks.

One day I'm tempted just to come in and 'trash talk' like Mohammed Ali and say something along the lines of, "I thought you were going to bring your A-game?" or "Is this all you got?" However, I know I would become hardwood road kill (once he got done laughing at my false bravado)

Over all dancing with Mr. Vanquish has changed my perspective about dancing. I've learned that I don't have to accept sub-standard treatment by leads (meaning no pushing, pinching, pulling on bra straps, teaching on the dance floor or twisting of shoulders); I've also learned the importance of allowing a lead to lead (I can't guess what he's about to do - - our dance vocabularies are completely different. If I 'guess' wrong I run the risk of hitting the floor.); and finally I've learned that the best feeling in the entire world is at the end of a tanda when you are smiling so broadly that your face hurts.

Ciao,

Pantina

Sign of Addiction

2009-05-05T18:07:00.004-04:00

This is when you KNOW you have a tango shoe addiction - -

You're getting ready for a milonga and you reach for your favorite shirt and realize there is purple running through the pattern...

purple..... WAIT!!!

I HAVE SHOES TO MATCH!

At this point you immediately change out your selected footwear for the super HOT purple shoes and dance gleeful around your living room because you're color coordinated down to your footwear...

Yes, you guessed it...

I have a shoe addiction....

I know I have a problem but I justify it to myself that I put a limit on my footwear for the year. So far I've managed to stay within the limit (and budget).

I have to go and polish up my purple shoes for tonight!!!

Ciao,

Pantina

Baptism by Fire - Learning to Lead

2009-05-03T20:15:00.004-04:00

There's a new milonga instructor at Studio X and I wanted to stop by his class to see what all the excitement was about. When class started we were short men so our Instructor started looking around for people to lead. Then she looked at and said, "Pantina, you can lead."

me?

lead?

IN A MILONGA CLASS???

She must have fallen off her CiFs. I can hold my own in following milonga - - leading it...

No way.

No.

I'm not doing it....

(even in my own mind I sounded like a four-year old)

I told her, "Thank you but I'd rather not lead."

She said, "You're leading today. You can do it."

crap.

As I started going through the steps I kept getting more and more frustrated. The timing, the milonga non-cross, navigation.... AAACCCKKKK!! It was awful.

I continued to fight through the steps and some followers were more generous than others. I felt like the tango "kid on the short bus".

Towards the end of class I just sat down. I had enough. I needed a break. My Instructor came over and asked me how I was feeling and I told her, "I don't like dancing to milonga and I find leading it extremely difficult."

"You don't like dancing to milonga?" She looked so confused by this statement.

"What do you do when a milonga tanda is played?"

I decided to tell her the truth, "I view milongas as long continas. I sit down and wait for the next tanda."

You would have thought I smacked her with a STRONG 'pimp hand' back-handed slap.

She said, "What if someone asks you to dance? "

"I politely decline or I leave the dance floor and go and talk with friends."

Now she looked horrified. She knows I can dance to tango, vals, alternative and that I adore tango nuevo but she couldn't believe that my dance experience to date had omitted milonga. She decided she wanted to lead me in milonga to get a feeling of my milonga follow.

At the end of the dance she told me I followed beautifully and that I should milonga and lead more.

What? Milonga and lead more? yeah right. I was ready to go home and go to sleep.

I must have been PMS-ing because I was feeling really whiny......

Instead of going home I found myself leading for two more hours. By the end of the night my head hurt and I was worn out. How do men do this all night long? I just wanted to follow.

The next day I came to class ready to just coast, however, I got to the studio early and the beginner class that was short of leads............ and I was asked to help out.

Instructor has me on her hit list now and she's determined

to break me out of my comfortable shy-tanguera shell.

As I started to dance oddest thing happened. All the stuff I fought with the night before settled in and it all made sense. I was able to lead crosses, turns, paradas, and connect it in a dance. Navigation was easier and I started to get it.

My instructor was smiling and said, "I knew you could do it."

Baptism by fire...

The little bird was outta the nest and leading.

The highlight of the class was after I finished dancing with a lady she smiled really big and said, "That was fun!"

Awwwww... shucks..... anytime,

Pantina

Results from Last Week's Poll - - Tango Casualties.

2009-05-03T20:08:00.002-04:00

Here are the results from last week's poll - - what are your tango casualties.

Charitable Work - 14%

House Work - 57%

Grooming - 14%

Non-Tango Social Life - 57%

Non-Tango Fitness - 28%

Non-Tango Fashion - 64%

Other - 28%

Well, the other areas of our lives may need a little extra attention but I bet our balance, footwork, and connection are EXCELLENT!!!

Just trying to find the silver lining....

Now I need to clean my home. ::sigh::

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - - Crapping Where You Eat (i.e. Dating Where You Dance)

2009-05-02T14:37:00.006-04:00

A few years back I was promoted at my job. The new position came a beautiful new office, tons of responsibility, excellent money and an administrative assistant. One week our department's administrative assistant was out sick and I was running in to my office to prepare for an emergency meeting.

Then I heard a knock at the door and a voice that I will never forget - - deep, Texas accent, and male. He said, "Good morning Ms. X I wanted to let you know that your assistant is out for the week. If you need anything my name is Todd and I'll be sitting at her desk."

I actually felt my knuckles hit on the keyboard and my shoulders stiffened.

When I looked up I saw a man 6'2, well built, easy on the eyes, in a Hugo Boss suit, smelling of Cool Water...

::I hope he didn't notice my drool.::

I thanked him for the introduction and apologized for being so rushed. I asked him to hold all my calls so I could prepare for my meeting.

::As he left I knew he was off limits......::

When our assistant returned to the office she immediately assumed the new responsibility of matchmaker to her job function. She set me up for a 'lunch meeting'. I thought I was meeting with three other people but it was just him, his accent, his personality, and cologne.

I wanted to kill her

but at the end of the date I knew I was a goner......

I started dating the temp....

When I told my mother about the new man in my life and how we met she said

"Daughter you never crap where you eat."

crass (I know) but wiser words were never spoken.

________________________________________________________

Fast forward a few years and I am a growing tanguera in NYC. Since I spend so much time in tango related activities it would be nice to meet someone from the same world, however, my mother's warning still rings in my ears...

"Don't crap where you eat" in the work context it translates to - -

"Don't date where you work" in the tango context it translates to - -

"Don't date where you dance"

I see couples that appear blissfully happy dating and dancing together. Then I see couples that have broken up that have to divide the milonga scene in half in order to avoid one another.

I like the freedom I have to dance with any and everyone that I choose. I don't want to be tied down to only dancing with my 'boyfriend'. Even if my boyfriend was a professional dancer I can see this getting really boring; very fast. Also, what if my 'boyfriend' gets jealous of me dancing with other people? of the time I spend with my friends? On the flip side if you find someone that you have chemistry with dancing it would be nice to see how far that chemistry extends off the hardwood.

So here's the poll of the week question - - would you date someone that you dance with?

Ciao,

Pantina

Sorry for the Delay in Posting.....

2009-05-02T14:31:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the delay in posting. I was having a "disagreement" with my ISP.

I was under the incorrect assumption that if you PAID for DSL service each month that you were entitled to RECEIVE service.

However, my provider feels that if you pay for service and their server is down you shouldn't be upset when you can't access your emails, online accounts, etc....

Needless to say I am back online and ready to write!

Ciao,

Pantina

Update from the Shrinking Tanguera Chronicles

2009-04-25T18:12:00.005-04:00

It's official I'm no longer a plus-size tanguera!

When I started this program I was a size 14/16 plus size. Although I don't see a significant weight loss signs are there that something significant has changed. For example, I was getting dressed for work and I put on my favorite spring skirt and it fell off me.... literally. At that point I said, "Wow... I really have lost weight."

So now it's time to go shopping. After spending hours in stores trying on missy sizes 16s, 14s, 12s and 10s I have settled on a Size 12. Size 12s are a little baggy but the 10s are too tight to be cute or comfortable.

According to the Weight Watchers height/weight chart they would like me to lose an additional 20 pounds. I'm leaning towards losing 10 more.

I'll take it a pound at a time and see what happens.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of the Week - - Tango Casualties

2009-04-25T07:12:00.012-04:00

Here are the results from last week's poll - - Do you think it's beneficial to your tango to learn Spanish?

Yes - 94% / No - 6%

I guess I am going to have to invest in Rosetta Stone software..... =)

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Before I discovered tango I used to have a spotless, dust-free, laundry done, home.

My social calendar was free to pursue dating and other social interactions (other than tango)

My dog was always clean and well groomed (he's a shih tzu so it's a lot of hair to deal with)

My manicures & pedicures were regularly scheduled and my hair was faithfully shaped up every 6-8 weeks.

My dry cleaning was done on time and my shoe collection was scuff free.

Welcome to Post-Tango Life

My home's cleanliness can vary between 'mildly cluttered' to 'post Frat party' filth

My social calendar is so filled with tango pursuits that

I can't remember the last time I had a date. ::so sad::

My dry cleaning is a bag waiting (begging) to be taken in.

What's a manicure/pedicure? And my hair.... since the salon visits have been reduced you can say that my hair has a lot of 'energy'. The extra money has been reallocated to tango expenses.

My shih tzu is dusty more often than he is clean...

and finally my shoe collection

My (street shoe) collection needs to be resoled, polished and buffed. In fact I haven't gone non-tango shoe shopping in almost a year...

Say it isn't so!!

On the upside I can ocho in stilettos, can kick a mean high boleo, I no longer fear volcadas, discovered a love of tango nuevo, and on any given point in the day I can change an ordinary conversation into a tango-centric one in five words or less...

So here's the poll of the week question - - What are your tango casualties?

I need to go and wash the dog.....

- Pantina

View from the Other Side - Intermediate to Advanced

2009-04-24T18:46:00.010-04:00

When I dance at my level I feel like I'm a princess on the hardwood. Steps come together, everything flows and feels wonderful. However, lately I've wanted to experience the joy, excitement, and connection of dancing with someone who's above my level. It's hard to snag these dances though. The really advanced gentlemen are in demand and I always wonder will I bore them to tears with my limited tango vocabulary.

I was finally able to take the advanced class at Studio X and when I tell you it was humbling I'm being very conservative. Since it was an advanced class there were demonstrations, an explanation of the movement and we were left to work it out.

Oh no. Oh NO!!!

I could barely make out the follower's footwork. Nevermind the changes in the frame and the other nuances that were being demonstrated by Mr. Vanquish & our Instructor.

After the first demonstration I was looking at the door with lust in my heart and then my ankles started shaking.

My ankles have always shook whenever I'm nervous. Whenever I speak publicly, make presentations (even during the oral defense of my dissertation) my ankles shake. This is not a problem when you are speaking (since my voice stays even) it is a problem when you are working on your balance in 3-inch heels.

What I noticed in the advanced class was that it was less about the steps and more about the energy and feeling of the movement. The connection between partners. These are concepts I've just begun to touch in in my tango journey and I was fire-baptized into it during this class.

My balance was crap during the entire class. I couldn't stop my ankles from shaking. It was worse than my first dance with Mr. Vanquish. Finally I just started blushing.... And my blushing saved me.

The gentlemen I was dancing with thought my blushing was adorable (who knew). He worked with me to get the steps and to more importantly understand that it's not about getting the steps but connecting as a couple and dancing together.

I have sooooooo much to learn about this dance.....

After class I headed downtown to another studio's practica and I was sitting down mentally rehearsing what I learned earlier in the evening (and I was trying to get the ankle shaking under control - - what was wrong with me?!?). Just then someone held their hand in front of me and when I looked up it was the lead from Studio X. He said, "Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" For once I didn't look over my shoulder to see who he meant to speak to. And he showed me the difference between a practica and milonga. Corrections were offered, adjustments made, and laughter shared.

And by the end of the last dance my ankles FINALLY stopped shaking.

Ciao,

Pantina

Tango in London - - Suggestions Needed

2009-04-23T07:23:00.002-04:00

One of our faithful cohort members is planning an overseas adventure, however, we know very little (okay..... NOTHING) about the tango scene in London.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Please feel free to post milonga locations, preferred instructors, practicas, and shoe shopping spots (of course!).

Thank you very much!!

Ciao,

Pantina

R.I.P. - The End of Two Faithful Soldiers

2009-04-22T18:06:00.006-04:00

I can't believe it... It's been almost 10 months since I started my tango odyssey. A lot of things have changed. I've lost a total of 26 pounds, I can hold my own at a milonga, and I can dance in stilettos...

That brings me to the title of this post... R.I.P. My first two pairs of NeoTangos have gone on to the tanguera shoe grave yard. Here are a few parting words for my faithful footwear.

First Pair of NeoTangos... Ohh!! They will always hold a special place in my heart. They were my first tango shoes. The tanguera's training wheels. Comfortable and reliable. More than slightly cute. Alas... They are stretched so far out of shape the right one flaps off my foot... They are officially retired off the hardwood.

First Pair of Stilettos... I remember when I was just a baby tanguera and I thought I would never be able to do an ocho in these shoes. They quickly became my shoe of choice. My signature. I practiced and milongaed in these goregous babies. Now, well you see the strap and the sole. It's time that they go to a better place - - to the shoe maker! Maybe something can be done to revive them!!

A moment of silence..........

In the meantime....

Felina is back from BsAs... And I have a new pair of silver beauties I adore... The shiny metallic heel is incredible. I can fix my lip gloss in the reflection of the heel. Sexy, practical, hot, and comfortable. Not too high - - Not too low. I'm sensing these will be my new faves... Felina just got a new shipment in so I know I will be working extra hours at my part-time job to pay for a second pair.

Or maybe I'll skip a private lesson this month.... (hopefully Mr. Vanquish doesn't read this blog. I'll have a lot of explaining to do..)

Fashionable footwear is such a terrible task master.... =)

Ciao,

Pantina

In Search of the Perfect Embrace

2009-04-18T11:14:00.009-04:00

I took a workshop that focused on the embrace and connection with your partner. It was really eye opening. I realized I didn't like the way one of my partners 'embraced' me when we danced. Although he was always respectful, he got into the habit of resting his hand on the side of my ribs and kinda pushing / steering me around the floor. I never felt his hand go around my back and as a result I've never felt connected to him.

After this class I talked to my friend about this and we began practicing a revised embrace.

There are some tangueros that have the embrace down. I dance with one gentleman whose embrace is so seductive that at the end of a tanda I'm tempted to make sure I still have my underwear on! His hands are always respectful (never inappropriate) but it's the way holds you that makes you feel like you have his undivided attention and connection. It's a type of tango intimacy. He can make the coldest tanguera melt into a puddle of mush and giggles.

The Tangueros' Point of View

At a particularly rough milonga ('rough' meaning we were doing more sitting than dancing) a friend asked a male Teacher how tangueros selected their partners. He told her about 95% of the partners were picked based on how they 'felt' the other 5% were picked based on their level of dancing.

hmmmm....... How they felt?

How can a tanguera judge how a tanguero 'feels' her? This is so subjective. Are they talking physically, (e.g. she feels 'mushy' vs. she feels 'firm') or is it something in the follow (is she a feather like follower or is she grounded to the floor)? What do tangueros find pleasing in a follower?

As a follower the first thing I focus on is personal grooming (fresh breath, waterproof makeup, soft skin, pleasant scents). Then I try to project a pleasant, warm attitude (smile, pleasant conversation between songs and laughter), and a relaxed, responsive follow......

I'm curious to know what the gentlemen think.

Ciao,

Pantina

Poll of The Week - - What Are You Dancing Too?

2009-04-18T10:38:00.005-04:00

Here are the results from last week's poll - - What do you prefer to wear to milongas?

Tangueros

Suits 0%

Dress Shirts & Slacks 75%

Jeans & T-shirts 25%

Tangueras

Dresses 40%

Jeans/Cargo Pants/Dressy Tops 26%

Skirts & Separates 13%

Tights & Tunic Tops 6%

Tango-esque Clothing 13%

I have to admit I am a dress person, but, I saw Shorey Myers last weekend wearing a pair of cotton capri pants that I fell in love with. They were definitely tango-esque in feeling, a dragon on one leg and the other leg was a lace up. I NEED THOSE PANTS and have no idea where to find them..... suggestions anyone....

Does this mean that harem & genie pants are in my future?? ;-)

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Whenever I go to a practica I try to keep a list of things I want to work on in the forefront of my mind. Otherwise I overwhelm myself with too many corrections and then I'm not able to dance at all. This particular weekend my main focus was musicality and interpreting the music throughout my entire body.

I was dancing with a friend that speaks Spanish and I noticed he began to dance very fluidly. His movements became almost romantic. Instead of mimicking his movements I asked him, "Can you translate the song for me? I don't understand what he's singing.". His eyes immediately lit up and he began interpreting the verses for me in my ear. It was a delightfully sappy romantic song and afterwards I understood why his dancing changed to fit the mood.

For the rest of the practica when we danced together we would stand and listen to the music first. If he recognized the song he would give me the general idea of the music - - was it a love song, unrequited love, romantic, seductive, or sappy. It helped me translate the music into my movements.

This got me to thinking - - What am I dancing too? Would my tango musicality improve if I understood the lyrics.

I've noticed that I feel more free to explore music when I dance to alternative tunes. At first I thought it was because the music was instrumental and edgy. But then I realized that the majority of my favorite alternative songs are sung in english and I understand them....

hmmm...... something to think about.....

Here's the Poll of the Week question - - Do you think it's beneficial to your tango to learn Spanish?

Ciao (or should I say Adios),

Pantina

The Spirit Is Willing But the Leads Are Weak

2009-04-17T18:45:00.010-04:00

Against my own insecurities my Instructor invited me to attend Studio X's weekly advanced class.

I was excited (yeah she can see improvement!!) and

scared (OH NO!!! I don't know what I'm doing.)

As a wave of insecurity began to hit me

I was having visions of being tossed around by

experienced leads and left on the side of the dance floor as tango roadkill.

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At the beginning of the new class cycle I decided to face my fear head on. I packed up my practice shoes (the low black suede shoes) and showed up ready to dance. However, there were only three leads that showed up for 9 followers.

Everyone knew one another and I felt uncomfortable jumping in the rotation with so few leads. So I sat out the first class...... I was so nervous anyway that this wasn't a hardship for me. My Instructor could see that I showed up and I had an excuse for not dancing - - not enough men.

For the second class I came with my favorite practice shoes (the red stilettos) and I was ready to get my feet wet. But once again we were significantly short leads.... WHERE ARE THE MEN? And I found myself sitting out a second time. What is going on???

This two-week delay in my advanced class 'debut' showed me that I really wanted to try this class - - insecurities and all. I had the same feelings when I moved up to the intermediate class. The first month of that course I was a wreck. I felt like I missed EVERY step and I was ready to hide under a bench every time class ended. Then something amazing happened - - as I practiced and stuck it out the class became more manageable.

So, what's a blossoming tanguera to do?

I have the desire to try,

the motivation to learn,

but no tanguero to lead me....

I guess I will wait it out and see what happens next.

I wonder why advanced leads don't attend the class? The teachers are wonderful (Mr. Vanquish and our Instructor) and the material is new and fresh. Maybe more advanced leads don't feel they need to attend class and they rather go out dancing. I wish I could get into the tangueros' minds so I can see what they are looking to get out of a class. (If any gentlemen can help me with this I would greatly appreciate it.)

I hope more men show up this week. The leads that are in the class are amazing, but, even an incredible lead can't lead multiple tangueras at the same time.

In the meantime I will be on the look out for leads that appreciate my height (5'11") and are ready to invest the time and energy into a class.

Otherwise it's back to taking the pre-intermediate and intermediate classes.

I'll keep you updated.

Ciao,

Pantina

Festival Updates - - The Kindness of Strangers

2009-04-14T17:30:00.002-04:00

In case you don't know the NYC dance scene is brutal. On any given night you can expect to sit for hours (if no one knows you) or be brutally dissed if you ask someone of a 'higher rank' to dance with you. I've cut my 'tanguera teeth' (so to speak) in this environment so I've grown accustomed to this environment and I'm learning how to navigate through it (and have a great time in spite of it!).

During the first day of the festival there was a warm-up practica. Everyone from our cohort showed up. We wanted to dance, feel the floor and get a feel of the other dancers we would be working with during the weekend. At first it was only us but then other people joined in and we had a great time sharing dances and making friends.

That's when I spotted him....

A gentleman was dancing and I could not take my eyes off of him. I did a wonderful impersonation of a deer caught in the headlights of an automobile. He was graceful, playful, treated his follower with a respect I have rarely experienced, and the one thing that struck me about his tango was that he smiled the entire time. He didn't have the serious "I am tanguero" face on. There was an authenticity to his movement that drew my eyes to him (Mr. Authentic).

I wanted to dance with him....

HOWEVER, understanding the hierarchical structure of NYC I knew I would have a better chance of keeping a snowman frozen in a volcano than getting a dance with him. A dancer of that caliber would NEVER dance with an unknown, untried partner in NYC. (unless he wanted to 'get his flirt on')

At the first milonga of the festival I had a great time (a special thanks to the Tall Gentlemen From Dallas - - more about that later). Lots of wonderful tandas and good times with my friends. Then Mr. Authentic walked in.

Let the pining begin.

Mr. H&IS challenged me to ask him to dance and I was struck with such a fit of blushing and shyness that he took mercy on me and didn't push the issue. In between tandas I would watch Mr. Authentic silently wishing he could read minds and ask me to dance.

FYI: The "mind reading technique" of asking someone to dance doesn't work.

Day 2

At the end of the second day of the festival there was a huge all-night milonga. We were dressed to impress and ready to go into the wee hours of the morning. I spotted Mr. Authentic taking a break and I decided that it was now or never. I struck up a conversation with him. As we talked I found out he was from the West Coast and he enjoyed dancing in San Francisco. He suggested that I take at least two weeks' vacation in San Francisco to explore their tango scene. He said, "It will change your life."

If his tango was any indication I'm sure it would. I was ready to whip out my iPhone and book a flight. As the conversation winded down I didn't know how to close the deal and ask for a dance. Mr. H&IS was looking at me like, "Well.... ask him already." And I ended with a, "Have a good evening." and went to dance with a few friends.

When my cohort caught wind of this story and witnessed me pining AGAIN over Mr. Authentic they encouraged me to ask him.

Finally, I saw him off the floor and I asked him if he wouldn't mind leading me in a tanda.

He agreed took my hand and walked me to the floor.

And I had the hugest grin on my face.

Then I heard the "T" word.....

He wasn't a dancer from the West Coast.

He was a TEACHER from the West Coast.

I felt my entire body stiffen and I was about to make a mad dash off the dance floor. In NYC it is extremely rare for a teacher to dance with an intermediate student at a milonga. I didn't ask for a dance I asked for an entire tanda with a teacher. Mr. Authentic sensed my hestitation and said, "Please being a teacher is nothing to worry about." As the music started the fun started.

By the end of the tanda I was spinning in happiness and a wonderful "post-tango-afterglow". He said thank you and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Now usually at this point my partners go in their direction and I go in mine. (That's NYC for you). But Mr. Authentic took my hand, continued to talk to me and escorted me back to my seat where my friends were eagerly waiting for a step-by-step break down of the magical tanda that had me lit up like Christmas morning.

If the leads in San Francisco are HALF as polite as this gentleman was I may have to make San Francisco my new preferred vacation destination.

Mr. Authentic earned the "What A Lead" title for the month!

Ciao,

Pantina